I loved and i cared. I did all that i could but to no avail. Maybe thats the reason why i was so sad all these time.. i was hoping to achieve smt that could nvr happen between us. And now, distance between us seems to be growing by the day. Im really tired. I loved you with all my heart and life, cant you see it? Or you choose to ignore it thats all? Plus minus here and there and i loved you for 6yrs le. Thats the amt of time ive known you too.

The more i think about this,  the more i wanna cry :'( what went wrong? Why couldnt our love have another beginning after everything was better? What changed?  Shall not be bothered with you anymore.. do what you want for all i care :/ sucks to have this kind of feeling as the year is about to come to an end. 6Yrs ago, at the start of the year, first day of sch. I saw a pretty girl who seems so gentle and lovable. It was love at first sight. I waited, waited for things to end with KL. My patience succeeded and it was the time of my life. During that period, time passed way too quickly and things came to an end :( i keep trying to get back but you put me down time after time. My heart was completely shattered, i cried so much until i now barely have any tears left. Life was at its lowest when i watched you got tgt and broke up with DC and Stev.... i was there for you, but it seems im just another tissue in your life. If you need me, you will use me. After that im just thrown away and forgotten. I seriously pause to wonder, what am i to you? Like seriously... times passed and with countless ups and downs. Countdown to 2012 and valentines with you was the best i ever got. I will treasure those memories, but memories and nothing more.

Here i am now, countdown 2013 is just tml. A piece of me just died. It died when im finally over with you. As much as i want to cling on to you, loving you even thou its one sided, im done. Thank you for all the memories and love. I doubt i can love another as much as i did to you but thats just life and i have to live on right?

Lam Yiling, you where the best girl i ever met. I pray for your happiness and success in whatever you do in the future. Hope that someone who deserves you and be able to love you better than me appears in your life sometime down the road. Dont always thing that there is no point in having faith in humanity alright? :)

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Xmas

Merry Christmas.
Well nothing joyous events happened to me thou. At best was that i played tennis and nothing else. Can feel the alcohol rushing to my head le so shall quickly write what i want and sleep! Tml tennis again.

Shall start about tennis first. Im going serious about it... as for shooting.. shall try and maintain eh? Today mel said smt which i found insulting yet funny at the same time.. he, playing with ham and the gang, told me that andrew and dk who said my strokes are weird and 'wrong'. Loll of all people, them?!! They are so much worse than me, and that Me they are judging is the me from 2mth back. Havnt played with then for a lonnnngggg time and much has changed about my game. Watch out man! Ducky's on the hunt!

went out with pooie ytd to celebrate xmas eve.. CZ 12 ,which is was awesome and hilarious, before walking around and heading back. As usual, skipping details but those details are making me so darn confused and as a result, hurting :(
When we first started talking a few mths back, you asked me this qn which i answered 'no'. Obviously i was lying cause i myself wasnt very sure and i dont wanna ruin the friendship. Months later, and after a series of events and Details, you are making me so damn confused as to what YOU are trying to mean. You seem to be the one who is not clear now... things we do seems so, the-next-stage.. yet we arnt there. All i see around us is a thick fog. Uncertainty, unclear. How do i put it.. you are constantly pushing and pulling me from you. If you were to ask me the same qn, i can give you a firm and honest answer which i will uphold for as long as i live. But can you? I love you. You know? Its so fucking hard trying to hide it and push it down... all bec im afraid you dont share my feelings and it would ruin us.

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end of the world

Woohoo In 30min, currently 2328, the world will end according to the Mayans. Althou i dont really believe in it, lets spare a moment to think about my life till this point of time.. just today, i enjoyed myself and can die happily already ! Tennis and starbucks ? Nothing more that i can ask for :)

Well lets review my life.
My life basically revolves around tennis, shooting, starbucks/eating and friends ! Challenged myself to beat dennis in tennis in 1mth time. Gonna chiong liao man!!

Shooting camp was a few days back and it was... should i say bad in a good way? It seriously pushed my body to its limits, strengthening it at the same time! Good ah, but freaking aching everywhere esp my legs! Other details shall not be elaborated further but...  yea i had a good time :p

Once again my life is pulled into chaos and conflict.. internally.. true love i believe in happens to be my first love. And first love is always hard/impossible to forget so im always confused and tangled up.. and now a sort of new person enters my life and is making more confused. On the verge of breaking down anytime man :( my love life is just so sucky..... honestly... want to love also cannot. Want stay single also cannot do it happily and properly :/
mutu, panda, sbt, lady boss, nemo, pig, djj, poo...

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nearly done

Woohoo exams are coming to an end soon!! I just wanna pass all papers tyvm. Scoring well is just a bonus! Fmgt was okay i guess but i screwed it up here and there... oh well its over so heck care already la har? Gonna chiong study eba tml. 1 day to study 1 module which would be tested on 7 topics. AWESOME =.= hoping to really get selected for the IBSM trip to china in march next year as well, im leaving SG and parents for 2 weeks! How awesome is that?!!

okayy back to my personal life. Away from studying , education crap. Its nice to treat others and put a smile on theit face :) it makes you feel better inside too. Maybe thats what i needed and did, treating qiyu and djj to starbucks. 1-For-1 today too so yea ~ hahahaha . Must balance happy and what not eh. Stupid person that tried to enter my life.. so hard to push away and get rid of completely. Way too cling-y and is getting me quite irritated. Took mutu's advice and was effective to the point of seeing immediate results ^^

Mutu, thats another story. Been sharing more hidden hidden feelings/thoughts of me with her for the past 2 days. Idk i sense a change with her but i think im just being paraniod.. well having that strong feeling of love(in general) and falling out of it suddenly and staying single for 3 years is taking its toll on me man.. sick and tired of the stupid lonely feeling that overwhelms me from time to time.

Making me do stupid stuff too la! Thou i blame it on HIMYM.  Anyhow trying to talk to random pretty girl but failing. Well it was a great distraction from studying :p

There are always those ppl that i wanna grow old and spend the rest of my life with, never forgetting them or even still hanging out from time to time. Ash, ahma. We now already sitting at void deck drinking greentea eating peanuts while talking till quite late lorh. Mutu. First and true love can never be forgotten, and i will forever still hold that feeling close to me no matter what. How i wish i can just hold you close to me once more too...

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bad day

Well the day started well i guess? Went for a jog along zheng hua park. Need to improve more for the sake of URun and 2XU! Hahs. Was super tired and legs pain like dk what. Headed to sch after bathing and resting awhile. Lessons lessons meh. Was damn stress and nervous about the HRM test and had a feeling i wont do well.. guess my feeling was right and i did do badly for it. Fml man!

Okay laa the day wasnt bad throughout, it was more of a roller coaster ride. Morning well, afternoon bad, come evening was good cause i went to meet sbt at plaza to get the starbucks one for one tgt !! ^^ not a bad deal la horr i finally got my hairband ive been asking for for so long. And starbucks was on me :p walked her back and chatted etc etc. Some stuff must always be left unsaid.

Okay this part seriously caused my mood to drop . Went out to supposingly study, ash and ahma homed only arnd 8? Ash and ahma already ticked me off ytd cause of other stuff == today just made it worse. Like wtf? Must i really become like mutu, unable to trust anyone at all?! Not even my closest friends??!!! Keeping to myself all the time? Wtf man.. went home after sitting thr like an Idiot for 45min ...

Bad mood all the way and i am seriously touched to tears now! Thanks to my awesome djj :) she knew of my bad mood and send me an awesome mms.. where else can i find such awesome djj like seriously . Well some people are just nice i guess. I wanna trust them but they and past experiences are making it so hard! Well im still glad there are awesome people around me ;')

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stress

Wheee so long nvr post already! Right now just lying on bed, thinking and msging ppl so why not just update eh? Lets see where to start on... on how awesome my phone looks now?? Orders from gmarket came in after a mth! Mercury black case and purple sticker. So basically my phone is DAMN CHIO now ^^

Kay sch work is just too damn high. Cleared eba project and just submitted eba rreport today. One burden down! Completed IL and no more lessons on thur anymore. 2 burden down! HRM discovery and share completed slides and gonna be presenting tml, 2.5 burden down!!!! Need start studying for HRM test on monday too :/ 3 days to cover 5 chapters? Lets hope for the best eh!

Kay today i say is an awesome day :) hmm to start off, this person shall henceforth be named szb for confidentiality purposes. Met szb for breakfast at bangkit before heading to her hse ~ watched shows before jy came. They started watching some horror show, Death Bell. Good thing i had to leave for sch for IL 20min into the show... scare die me. Lol! Cleared the entire IL and cabbed back to szb hse while we mahjong for quite some time. Ash was already thr haha ~ Was overall winner i guess ? ^^ not that rusty as i thought! They continued watching death bell after getting tired from MJ. Kept hugging on szb's pillow and not daring to watch cause im just plain scared i admit :/ went home and cleared all my work for this week. Means i have time to study lo! Hoho ^^

Been msging szb quite often nowadays and im happy :) im quite shocked when ash told me he just broke and jy came to ask me check on ash... gosh if you not serious then why go into the relationship??!! 5 days only lehh.. love very fun to play with meh? :/ the reason im still single is cause every love i thought i found for the past 2 years isnt really right.. its a good thing i guess? Singlehood can be enjoyable too!! Sigh missing my IS UR class too much le :/

Guess its time for me to knock out soon ~ *note to self : start training stamina like mad. Why? URun 10km + climb at end of Feb and 2XU 21km at end of March. Determined! Lets go! But for now, sleep :)

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Suit up!

Ytd was deepavali! Had awesome indian food at nighbours house as usual^^ nothijg much happened other than the fact that i got my BLACK OPS 2 ! having so much fun playing it, and so hard not getting too addicted :/ hahs!

Today had the burden make up lesson of fmgt tut bec of ytd PH! Such a burden  waking up so early :/ had fish&co with the bros at clementi after ecd tut! Oh the joy of hanging out with them! ^^ came back to bp and decided to pon the lect cause its just guest speakers.. meh! Went to meet zul and started shopping for my suit! Couldnt find at clementi so headed to plaza sing~ got me a nice suit for 180+ after disc! Good price eh? Starbucks followed before i went home.

Everytime im out with zul ah, nonsense happens! Our radar will be at max range and signal>< still played the game of 'guess that pretty girl's age ' well that killed a lot of time on the mrt..... hahaha home and continued black ops after dinner. No work done, kinda regret but wth man~ Finally won my first TDM multiplayer sia >< so damn hard. Stretching my fps skills to the max ><

cnt wait for intraclub tennis comp on sat! Hope i get to have a light meal with mutu before here comp too :/ kinda missing her but yea.... IS tml and need discuss our final assignment! Need do up ecd report too wtf :( gahhhh . Main thing looking forward to tml is noob coming my hse to play my laptop lol! Hahahahaa time to snooze~

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一切都会跟好的

一切都会跟好的。不管什么事，让过去留在回忆就好了。

Thats if only saying it was as easy as doing it :/ gosh this part of me just cnt live without you. And its a big part i gotta admit. Learning from IS UR, give personal space. Doing that already~ but i stil want you :( i cnt live happily without you :/

Sch work sucks. Report after report, projects coming in and burden tutorials. I effing cnt stand CMA and EBA. I handle the rest perfectly fine. Look at HRM. I skip the lect, just read thru it and have no prob doing the tut. CMA? completely opposite story. Pay attention in lect, want try to attempt mcq and i struggled and failed. Mind you its only MCQ somemore == eff it just die la hor. Been doing badly for accounting stuff every since i entered poly.

This week is one heck of a hectic and tiring week! Mon, wed, thur, fri : tennis. Tue, sat : shooting. Sun : outing! Goshhh thank god i cleared some tutorials today already. Im getting used to this life but that doesnt meant i dont need you to be part of it. I want a future where i have you in it, sharing our lives tgt. Tskk some things are just not meant to be spoken but written with limited readers! Hahs. Cnt wait for outing with OG peeps tml! Previous outing was so long backk~ oh well sleep time nights!

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for the sake of it

Havnt blogged for quite some time due to the lack of it. hmmmm lets see now... Currently im damn determined to improve myself and get into the sch team. Loving tennis waayy too much but yea! Gonna have a new coach which is also a alumni from the club. Wanna bring myself to the next level :) Listening to his advice and strengthing my body first. I feel so weak omggg. His goal for me is to run 5km nonstop.. only can manage half of that.... and as for working out, no time at all >< idk why im like this all of a sudden but tennis is gonna be my life from now on. Well it already was before ~

Had a great dinner with the ex shooters of wssc and our coach! Sad that he not coaching in wsss le and is leaving for australia for a short holiday the coming monday! Wanna go send him off ^^ as well as go airport play la horr!!

Sch. Gosh i dont even know where to start. Classmates still can get along la hor. As for THAT group, guys will always be guys and have no prob with one another but she. I dont get whats her prob and i dont wanna know. Already have enough problems of my own and im not gonna let one person ruin it.. just IGNORE her presense can le! Sch work is idk man.. burden is a good description i guess? And public holidays! God i hate it man. Bec of it have make up lessons... damnnn tml is 8am to 7pm. Frrak! Need go for shooting training tml too >< gonna have a light and short training ba. Body not fully recovered from intense exercise yet.... time to sleep ! Zombie mode tml liaoo nights

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fml

Seriously fuck my life and the family i was born into == pissing me off for no fucking reason and for smt not my fault whats your prob. Im leaving this house at the first chance i get and i swear i will nvr come back. Why else you think your other daughters left == fuck la knn

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tennis camp

Well since im still wide awake i might as well post smt!
Tennis camp day 1 : Went to sch with that big bag of mine :/ still rmb clearly that this china dog was sleeping next to me! Kept bumping into me and had to push him away>< didnt care if he woke or what.. i need my personal space! Hate it when strangers bump/touch me == had mos corn soup for breakfast! Campers started to come in and i was just sitting there relaxing while they played their games. Why? Cause im just a helper/foodrunner aka slacker ^_^ most awesome role ever!! Carrying the lunch from alumni clubhouse to loft was a freaking chore! So heavy laa! 50 lunch boxes carried by 3 ppl only >< muscle acheee
Forgot what happen after that but only rmb the night.. went out to kap for supper/buy stuff. Went back only to find out got 2 ppl not in the secruitt guard list. Freak sia the sch system! You rather the students leave the loft and not worry for their safety even when its like 1am ?? Freak sia! End up most of the ppl from my room went out tgt with them to ton the night. Me and a few had to go over the girls room cause they scared due to the small amt of girls >< LOL!

Day 2 : nothing much bla bla bla. But this was the most awesome part -> carried lunch, ate first before everyone else, went back loft, bathed and took a nap! Muhaha awesome max ! Ppl do activity/stuff i go nap. Mal also did the same lollol! Woke and collected dinner.. was commenting to the other food runners "i collect lunch, eat, sleep, wake up have to collect dinner and eat liao! Shiok ^^ " night activity i only rmb CHUBBY BUNNY! HAD A GREAT LAUGH MAN! Skipping details cause too disgusting :p had to lock doors before sleeping cause senior and other comm ppl sure going around trying to draw face/disiao when ppl sleeping... sadly only a few campers kana.
Day 3 : breakfast at munch. Surprisingly i was quite hungry. Had the egg set and fish bee hoon. Simple games followed and had fun playing splat and takoyaki ^^ break camp went home eat and sleeppp!!

Lazy type cause hand pain from holding phone up in lying down position >< nightss

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end intern!

Whee today was the last day of intern~ i admit, i enjoyed myself and seriously learn alot of things which i can apply when i grow up and start working in the business world. Was quite sad when i told the kopitiam ppl i wont be coming anymore ;( will miss their porridge and teh!!!! Did no much work for today and ytd. Cleared what we suppose to do so just slack all the way~ boss treat to Ramen champion!!^^ nom nom! So far i tried the Special Ramen from 2 stores le. 4 more to go ~  bid colleagues bye too.

Stupid thing today was i forgot bring my house key out! Lucky i call my mom fast to leave the key somewhere for me to take if not i have to slack around until 930 siaaaa~ oh oh and i moved my laptoo from my room back to study room le :/ preparing to get a bigger screen to connect laptop to. 15.6" is just so so for me. Wait for me to get a 32" and play games! Now THATS AWESOME!

Gosh i gotta sleeo soon :/ tml is Open Shoot.. wanna do well ! Must improve la siaa but so long no shoot le >< and that woman better not steal the rifle pants from me again if not i swear i will be effing pissed. Come on la she like NEVER train at all, then want snatch equipment with me? Eff off laaa~ you can hit average 8.5 per shot then tell me ok? Outside sch team avg is 9.0 MINIMUM leh. 9.0 is like my average now so yea! No standard jiu eff off!

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tired

Im getting really really tired of this.. COME ON I CAN DO THIS! just 8days more and no more intern~ day after day its the same. Wake up go bugis have breakfast. Go office put down stuff and go toilet >< soooo boringgg. I know ive said this countless times but im still saying it until this is over!
And i just found out, only on Monday the teh at the kopitiam is abit different(in a bad way)... LOLL!

Sighh idk whats wrong btwn us now. You dw reply to EVERYTHING. You know how sad that makes me? Every notification from whatsapp, every msg reply i receive, i kept on wishing it wad from you but only to my disappointment... gahh idk how describe this :/ live on. Move on? :(  ive been doing what i can to make myself better but for what? Who appreciates? No fucking one. Im trying to not be so reliant on r/s with others but thats just how i am :/ if i really managed to, idk what will i become.

Trying to enjoy and be contented with the smallest things, not caring about anything else... why is there only 1 person that can really make me happy without doing anything? Why Why WHY?! just going out and doing nothing special, bam! mood up by 101% Oh well... just looking forward to xiao gui concert with her and her friends, and hopefully japan trip during dec...

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weekend

Yayy its saturday! Weekends are so looked forward to during intern. Its like the only true time to rest relax and enjoy yourself. There just isnt time after work! End 6, home 7, dinner bathe 8, get on bed 10. Lolll its so monotonous too :( well at least i used the whole of today doing what i want!

Slept for 12 hours, replenishing all the lost sleep due to work. Had lunch and headed to htns for some Open Shoot meeting :/ mehh boring~ Ash came to train. Waited for him to train finish before going for a round of bowling.. didnt plan my time properly... had to cab to cck cause meeting mutu and dont want here wait for me. Went to lot one to get the Xiao Gui concert tickets ^^ after that pei her to city hall where she working for the F1.
Lol if you are reading this : you really think i go city hall walk? Of course is just accompany you go there laa!!! Just that when i reach, i thought to myself.. since im already here, might as well just walk awhile~ if not i jiu go home and rot ma :/
Hope you get lots of tips~ ^^

homed, dinner, videos and now bed. Waking at 6 tml to msg~ hope you wont be tooo tired :/ kay sleep time!

Oh oh! Completed inotia 4 le. Now starting on zenonia 4~ All the awesome rpg phone games :)

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class

I should be sleeping now.. but meh. Work is draining every bit of my energy and life. Damn shag. And worse, STRESS. Was thrown a task to do up my company web which was running on wordpress. Best thing is, NONE of my colleague knows how to use it and expect me to do it myself... took an entire day to explore and try everything before i got it done. By then all my brain cell dead le ==

And there was choosing of class too.. didnt aim for any so left it to fill up until left the last 2. Was in 02 first but switched to 05 cause got raf and shun. Slowly i found out that shawn, ramesh, meifie, mal and that grp of ppl also in. Lol good cause many ppl i know. Bad cause all so smart and competitive.. i sure die in that class one lorhh :(

It kinda ironic ah life... shallnt expand on this but yea... will do.

Dad leaving for idk what country 2 weeks later and i have a 30% chance of going jap in dec as of now.

Oh oh! Got me a class 10 micro sd 64gb! Quite ex but who cares??!! 30+ eps of 720p HD running man in my phone leh!:D hopefully going ramen champion tml with ahma and ash. Hopefully having a stsrbucks meet with evan and ba-jie. Its been YEARS since i last met them!! Well maybr except bajie where i passed her bday present :p

My posts are all over the place cause i think what jiu type what. Meh dont care!

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I dont think you get it.. you are worth more than what you think to me. Youre someone i can never live without. Youre part of my life already. You pulled me up when i was at my lowest point. Youre the only one im 100% truthful to and would share anything with you. Sighh... is it that hard to know that i need you? I want you to be mine? And that i love you? :/

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intern half done

Wheee. 3 weeks of intern over! 3 weeks left lets go!! Cnt wait for it man.. its so tiring physically and mentally :( short post today cause falling asleep soon :/ anndddd!! I WANNA PLAY AND ENJOYY! why no one pei me de. /Sadd/ tskk listen too much from mutu le. Can seriously live a loner's life as long as i get used to the part where there is no one else out there left for me. LOL~

Times changed, ppl change. And now im not sure if youre the same person i used to know. Im not even sure if im the same person i used to be what the heck! Back to the past where i just keep everything to myself, hardly saying anything about my true feelings and closing myself up again. Goshh>< idkkkk. Tml is viewing of timetable and the day after, choosing of next sem timetable. Currently, there is no one in mind i wanna be with for the next sem. Darn... choose some random timetable with slots that interest me? Or just let sch decide by not choosing for myself. Sighh idk. Why must my life be like tht? How i wish i have a reset button to just redo everything. Or maybe that reset button is just the flight overseas and staying there. Migrating... thinking about it.... tsk

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fuck

Why is my life like that. Its so fucking annoying. When i come home, what i need is peace and quiet. Not you babbling and nagging on some nonsense shit == i hate it when ppl inturpt my show to ask me do some crap. Asking me do stuff.. THATS ANOTHER THING.

Ya la ya la you very respected and nonsense la hor. You damn big la so what? I hate it when ppl talk down to me. That tone you use.. i just cnt stand it == i will do what is necessary immediately, but i will only do what is requested when i feel like it or when i say so. So dont rush me to do your nonsense things. I already have a fucking intern making me stress enough.

I hate my family. They are suppose to understand me the most? Ha what bullshit. I hate to talk about my stuff except when i feel like it. So you ask me i very tired bec of work or what..? WHAT ELSE ASSHOLE?! THINK! no no i come home sleep after work. So sleeping is the one making me tired == grrrrr...

No wonder both sis fly away far far so they dont have to face your crap. Thanks ahh.... ya and im definately flying away too. Fuck this place. Ya. Detatch myself from ppl. Getting used to it and damn well alright on being alone for quite some time ><

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bday

Yayy 9 sep. Its my birthday~ and i dont really care :/ nvr the type of person that requires too much attention or what >< hahhha nvm let start from morning. Went out with muty for lunch at Nandos! Hahaha not bad la~ ate, laugh and plaay argue throughout the whole time. Left and i went to town nxt to find preseny for hwee khim. Went for her bday party~ sorry to say but the bbq was the worst i ever had. Didnt have the appetite to eat much too…

Seriously, by the i was going back, i was already dead tired. Came home and read the letter mutu gave.

Well~ kinda double meaning i guess? But whar i have to say is : if i find something worth all my time and life, i will stick to it no matter what others say or do. Some things will nvr change no matter what happens and ya.. yes i laughed out at some parts. Damn bhb and cute siaa this mutu ^^

Okay laaa time for me to sleep. Tml 9am monthly shoot and i wanna do well for it! Nights

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intern

Okay to start off, this whole week was insane and tiring. Intern started and everyday was either dying from boredom or dying from huge amt of workload.... gosh! Had meeting with client on like day 3 or smt. Wtffff im not mentally prepared nor experienced in such stuff.. why cnt i get other slack jobs :( currently still working on client's website. Freak man asking a IT dinosaur to manage a web. So much editing and crap....

Weekends was the only thing i look forward to. A proper break from working . Had shooting today morning :) and pizza hut with the seniors after that~ booo no money liao.. poor boy ttm! Needa buy present too>< waaa $$

anw. I dont really know how to describe this anymore. I know ive said this quite a couple of times but i now its really serious. My heart feels dead and i dont get that feeling of love anymore. Its like loved so much until turn into stone. *Medusa* hahaha just random :/ was looking forward to bday at first, but now that it slowly draws nearer... i dont want it to come anymore. Nothing to look forward to. No goals in life, no dreams to chase. I feel so.. dull? Hahs need more colours and activities in my life.. like seriously!!

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end of exam

Today marks the end of all year 2.1 exams, as well as the halfway mark for the entire poly life! Just gotta push on and work harder for the following sems :) dont wanna talk about papers cause idw give myself false hope or false saddness. Hehe~

Went home after AAA, ate and then headed out to meet sbt at plaza. Got my Ben and Jerry to sort of celebrate. Hahaha :) went to her hse to supposingly teach her for her olvl~ gosh so many things i forgot liao sia! Kns. Nvm laaa at least i enjoyed myself! Ash came later and we just crapped and teached. Spent 6+ hours there siaaaa!! Goshhh nowadays, i keep thinking of sbt and the times we had tgt. Freeakkk such thoughts needs to get out of my head! She got bf liao and she is no longer mine!!>< tskk.... still~ some memories can nvr be forgotten. :/

YAYYYY finally gonna have tennis tml! Been looking forward to it all week long sia! Whole body itching to whack some balls and exercise!! But i still need to train for my shooting too! :( wanna make it to the HTNS club's team and earn myself a better rifle. NP standard is seriously bullshit la and the stuff they provide cab hardly train anyone for a low-stansard competition. How dare they still demand results when we have such crappish training!?! I want go for internation and even national competition de leh! Wanna gun for NYT and go overseas with ahma, panda and sbt for competition!! :P

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FiT

And finally its the last stretch of poly year 2.1! This sem passed rather fast and im glad it happened this way. Didnt feel as close to rest of the class as before. Was with old friends more. Idk laaaaa~ anw tml is FIT exam le. I did what i could and i hope for the best :/ no one else to blame but myself for not being more serious in studies and my lack of selfcontrol... oh well! Last chiong. FIT, followed by PMKT the next day and lastly AAA. Progressively less confident subjects are heading my way and i gotta prepare for it...

Been hanging out with ash and ahma recently. Be it studying or just slacking. Old friends are still the best. More trustworthly and understandable. Can always rely on them... turning back time to sundayyyy~

went out with ahma, ash and sbt... sbt ahhhh>< another one of those i used to love so much but only to end up being betrayed. Oh well.  Went to safra yishun! While ahma trained, we studies for awhile before bowling~ so long no bowl liao siaaa :p loved my second game cause got back my old avg of 122. Hahha:) lunch was manhatten and me forever ordering their fish and chips :) too awesome le~ back to safra after that, pool for 1hr before back to studying. Me and ash kept 'bullying' sbt and vice versa.. gosh it felt as thou it was the time when wr where still tgt. Damn. That was my most fun r/s >< anw~ dinner at home before meeting back at ahma hse to supposingly study. End up watching movie shown on channel 5... abd yes... movie, sofa, me and sbt sit tgt, some stuff happen but shall not elaborate.

Back to now. Talking to mutu again :p more... private topic? Lol. Managed to trick her into telling me more stuff than normal >< kinda bad but wth. Just concern and it is smt i would find out sooner or later.
Every cell in my body is wanting to reach out and grab you back you know :( how much i would hate it if youre with someone else but still, nothing i can do. Goshhh :/ loved too deeply in the past. Scars remained and caused me to be like this. damn!

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som down

Yayyy done with SOM for today~ 3 more papers to go !! Woke up to djj's msg, but slept back again for like 1.5hours cause it was raining~ *perfect weather to sleep* hahaaha. Read thru notes again before heading to starbucks to get my coffee before exam! Its like become a habit liaoah!!:p paper was...meh? Can do la, just hope i can pass can le! Finished rather quickly i guess? Handed up the answer sheet with 40min to spare.

Rewarded myself with a trip to range to train! Shooting really takes everything off my mind and just lets me relax in a way~ but its such an expensive sport :( Everyday time i train, $2 for lane and another $2 for gun. Everyday training session $4 sia! I train consecutive 3days = $12 fly :( i still want get my own shooting specs. Just the frame $200. Lens must ownself make. Full suit 1k+ . And if really want my own gun ? 8K! Waaaa siao laaa :( havnt even count pallet and target card. Goshhh~ ANYWAYYYYY. Recently freaking addicted to GC MILK MELON TEA! Awesome max man that drink :D

I really miss the old times when things wete much simplier and more enjoyable. Life now is so chaotic and unhappy. This cannot, that cannot. Wtf~ :/ what can really make me happy? Idk :( only know how to spoil myself by spending big bucks but i know thats not the way >< gahh i just want a simple life, settle down and live on... Thou finding a gf wont happen so soon~ my heart is just dead if not for you. And no one else can replace that hole you made when you left :( *damn* why am i so persistent and stubborn... too loyal ba HAHAHAA . [self assurance]

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affected

Idk what but its always the same story. Forever so easily affected by you... its might be just going out, or as a matter of fact, not going out tgt, but i was really looking forward to it even thou it wasnt planned...

Lets start from the top. Woke at 1230 when i was planning to go for aaa consultation which was from 10-12 >< slept back until 1 where i basically just eat and slack until 4. Studied FIT for like half hour? LOL. Then headed out for tennis with rafa. Tiring siaaa played match. Couldnt win even thou i was leading 5-2. End up losing 6-5.... too tired to win back 1 game... at least i didnt make his win easy~ hoho ^^

Homed, bathed, ate and chiong out to supposingly study.. but was wayyy to exhausted to study :/ so just slack and nua all the way... wasted the whole of today :(

wanted to go out with mutu tml. But she is like coming up with all sorts of excuses to reject me;( i wonder if there is a reason for doing so....... sighh~ i must be thinking too much la hor? :/ but i seriously had no mood for anything after that. Like someone just let go of a balloon filled with all my happiness and joy inside.

I feel bad for djj. Its like im bringing my bad/poor feelings onto her. Likea unfair ah... sorry ;( idk laaaa i just wanna give up on everything :( studies, life, feelings. If all those didnt exist, i wonder how would i be now? Everything is just fucked up. Thats all i gotta say... fml seriously. True love? True happiness? I feel betrayed by the very thing i used to have hope and faith in..

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done

Woke up with a bad start.. was feeling super weak and unwell... but still had to drag myself to sch for bcomm assessment! Terrible stomachache + vomit feel when on bus... thank god i felt alot better as we were about to start on our assessment! Was satisfied with our results la :) didnt expect much anw~ headed home and rest. Planned to go shooting at first but end up too weak and it was raining... slept from 12-3.30! Awesome much. Headed to sch for intern breifing with was such a waste of time!!

home, dinner than went ahma hse study~ this stupid ash forever not studying one sia >< got addicted to jubeat on ipad too!! Gosh its so much fun~

Aishh nowadays, djj is the only one i msg sia... i miss mutu. I wonder how is she, what is she doing :/ didnt chat with her for quite some time and her absense from fb and twitter means shes usually busy >< danggg i wanna go out again~ time passes real fast too! In a blink of an eye, its already aug and the year is comming to an end :/ time to sleep then! Yay for no lessons tml ^^

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When your world comes crashing down.

Aish.. my poor blog is the best place for me to vent everything inside as even twitter is too public for me to say everything out. It feels as thou my whole world is falling apart and i am on the verge of breaking down. Never have i felt so hopeless, so pathetic. Nothing seems to help nor work. its like im back to my secondary school self of locking everything up inside and just giving a cheerful and happy face in front of anyone. That might still be the case now but the more i open up whatever was stored inside, the more horrible i feel. Weak, more prone to hurt and pain, sadness. Everything just engulfs me so easily.... slowly sealing everything back in now. slowly becoming more of an introvert. damn this is bad but what else can i do? The person i trust most and love most is slowly fading away from me. shadows surround everything else i once sought joy in! From having her right by my side at all times, to just looking at her back from a distance and now, losing sight of her real quick... i dont like the way things will go in the future if this keeps up... i dont wanna end up like complete strangers. This really sucks. All i need is just 1 person, to be there whenever i need it, to rely on and to be able to trust completely. Other than that i dont need anyone else at all ;/ but sighhh such person might never exist in the first place.

quite true la hor... talking to this djj. say me not guy one. Well in a way maybe ba? feelings wise more feminine? tsk... emotional and occasional moodswings, definitely got it :( its hard when i wanna reach out to others but they are so hard to trust and temporary in a sense.... and thru out im slowly locking myself in. gosh!!! Life, Studies, Relationship ( love/family ) , and even Finance! all just aint working well for me at all. Im srure mutu gonna hate me for what im thinking of right now but at times like this, such thoughts come so easily and is like the shortest way out of everything. Whats stopping me is just fear, and disappointment to everyone else >< i dont know how to get rid of this feeling... all i know is i wanna drink myself silly. fuck i dont even have sufficient alcohol for me to do that. damn! ;(

wasted day

Boring day is instead boring. Moring went for training. Shot for 1 hr only cause no point shooting so long.. just need get used to the feeling of pistol~ kinda miss my rifle too thou :/ waaa but today got chio bu siaaaaa :o seperated by 1 lane only~ goshhh she is like the high class pretty type. Plus her riflw damn good sia!! But oh well~ see jiu hao. No more r/s for me! Must have self control and kill off feelings in heart....

Wasted the rest of my time away... took a nap too~ somehow djj came into my dream and was kinda weird! Hmmm. Bla bla bla. Was asked about some shooting stuff..... some bloody asshole used np name and dragged shooting club along sia! Not even in the club >< found the name after exercising skills learnt from stalking ^^ hahaaha that bastard is gonna dieeee and burnnnnn!!! Thou i gotta give him credit for his skills :/

Got new songs from mutu and its time to sleep! Tml got course on shooting..6 freaking hours! Somemore we are learning what we already know long ago. But no choice since i wanna shoot under outside club instead of np now... more chance of competition and my goal for nyt!!! Starting from scratch thou... pistolll~

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confusing

Hmm idk how to describe today.. the best i can conjure up is : mood doesnt match the events for today. Woke up earl and had kkm with ash ahma and chester. After that came up to my hse and mj for awhile.. mood wasnt right so tiles didnt come as i wanted it to... after that we last min decide to stop playing and go play pool instead! Tpg joined us for pool too~ That was rather okay la? Then ahma had to leave for sch and she brought us to had free food at SIM cause its openhouse for the school... that was the most cheap stake thing ive ever done considering my character and stuff sia wtss~ tpg went home and the 3 of us went to CSC for bowling... idk what happen to me and my score was damn suck... cnt even touch 90 sia when my usual is like 100+ sian max.... headed home, wash up since we were caught in the rain, nap. Had half meal for dinner before playibg badminton with the usual pro uncles and aunties. Again mood wasnt there so played horribly.... im guessing its my TOTM? LOL! Moody and suckish.. just gonna stone on bed and do NOTHING! no plans for tml too :/

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proj

Week 13, friday the 13th, the day tb09 has 2 projects due. AAA and BCOMM are finally a thing of the past now. All thats left is PMKT! But ive gotta say..  i lost all my motivation for studying already. Its like so freaking boring and the education system is just fucked up! Just take the class participation crap for example can le. Not everyone will have a chance to ask/answer qn. It might be taken by someone else. Not everyone from a group can present cause its just ONE qn. Not logical for 4/5 ppl to do that. Not everyone is outspoken and some just like to shut up and do their work themselves! So fuck the system yo! And this aaa tutor is just the worst. She told us today the class avg for participation is 6.5/10. The fuck??? Aaa is like the module we are most 'enthu' and actively participating and she gives such marks!? Go die la..

On the other hand, what pmkt tutor said about our class is very true and i just LOVE this fact : our class is not competitive at all, in terns of grades etc. Not like other classes with gpa of 3.8 and above, always competing. Yes so smart so what? Want first place so what? No life sia seriously! If everything in your mind is studying and acheiving top grades == life is much more than having a screwed up system judge your level of intelligence. No freedom at all!!!! Fuaaaa~

aiya now away from sch, tml gonna mj with usual ash and ahma. This time adding chester ^^ gonna be awesome! Gonna skip shooting even when they asked me to come cause got some cca doing video promotion for shooting... lol sorry ahh publicity and selfpromotion is just not my style :p hahaaha sunday is mutu's dance comp le!!! all the best to her even thou i wont be going to support her this time round :/

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ill

Past few days was horrible as i had the sick-package. Fever + running nose + cough + sore throat and bonus : stomach problem. Was basically down on bed for the whole of sunday and monday. Took so much effort just to get up to even sit infront of com to watch shows or stuff.. body getting weaker as i grow older. Sighhh!!!:(

Today was my turn for table topics and i did rather bad la i guess? B only... didnt know what to speak but yea forget it la. Didnt expect much anyway. Currently otw home cause fever like back and too unwell for lect. Kept coughing and making my throat hurt even more la damn it!!:( feels bad for skipping so many lect for the past week and now.... gosh its always the second part of the sem after CT my motivational and energy levels drop sia. Damn slack and my pace is too slow now.. need to pick up pace and get into rythmn soon as stress levels are slowly increasing!:(

Yet... nothing seems to motivate me and no goals to achieve. Even if i set one for myself now, its useless as i know its a lie and i wont really aim for it. Looking forward to...... intern? Going out with mutu? Going out with cousins next week? Bcomm dinning etiqutes(?) ? Holidays? Yea thats about it.. gotta alight from bus too just nice sia the timing! Go back eat and sleep. Really more oink oink for past few days O(oo)O

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Spent ytd's night doing up the card, pmkt tutorial and som project ;/ did until 1am so morning was so freaking shag and cui lorhhh...The card i made so substandard sia wth. unhappy with it but no choice la..  bcomm was so slack and boring. Got back our telephone and letter writing assessment. FUCKING FAILED MY TELEPHONE ASSESSMENT!!! GOT A FREAKING 2.5/10 but luckily its only 5% ~ 2hr break was spent eating and doing SOM project again ;( PMKT likea shit as usual only but good thing this tutorial was short and easy so that woman released early.

Chionged to SP straight after lesson and waited for mutu to end her lesson :) went to bugis and bought tickets to The Amazing Spiderman first before having Astons! :D hehe so fun and nice to just look at mutu use fork and knife to get the corn out of the thingy sia!! HAHAHAH!!! ^^ baked potato as awesome as ever muhahaha. Movie was good too despite it being a remake from the original. The duration was so long siaaa~ sat there until my ass pain and my hand feet went numb from the coldness ;( mehh~ pei-ed mutu mrt back before going home. Going out with mutu is always so fun and relaxing no matter what activities we had together. A simple and movie can always be worth the time especially with the right person! Can never experience such feelings with anyone else sia... go out with so many different ppl le but sigh.... is mutu really the only one??? ;/ haahaha she now has her dance partner jio-ing her.... wonder how long she can keep the thought of staying single :( AND SHE AND HER WEIRD IDEAS! SIAO AHHH I WHERE GOT THE FACE AND FIGURE TO GO JOIN DANCESPORT?!?! my whole body will break sia! yes i wanna be able to dance with you but i just guess its too impossible. you already dragged daniel to join to thats even worse... see his face will already make my blood boil pls? tsktsk....

aiyaaaa just gonna watch my anime and running man later on~ tml not sure if i wanna pon PMKT lect anot cause go sch for 2hr only likea waste time siaa...

end camp

Camp ended 4 hours ago. But in that 4 hours i was either sleeping for had smt to keep myself busy with. Currently im just blogging on my phone while on the bus back to np! Left the loft earlier carrying all my dirty clothes and unnecessary stuff home so that i would not need to bring such a big and bulky bag home tml from sch~

Camp was so so. The planning, intrusctions and execution wasnt up to standard. But shall not blame anyone since we all have a chance to learn and improve on our mistakes :) apart from the bad stuff, the camp was enjoyable and i hope my freshies had fun too~ im sure we bonded over the past 2 days.

Ytd night was an OMG one siaaa... was a Scarer for the nightwalk at block 34. Freaking scary sia that place at night :( containing my fear was damn hard esp when i have to do a good job scaring the freshies >< nightwalk until 3 freaking AM! Went back to the loft and guess what me and edward did? Open a can of redbull each, drank and started doing our own project/tutorial.... sad life ttm :( did until like going 5am,before we KO-ed naturally~ hahaha

Idk where my pic will me since im uploading from phone but yea! My awesome look during the nightwalk~ my contacts are actually red but hard to see><

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camp

Lets start from ytd! Busy day indeed!
Morning met project group mates to start on most of the work. We are really behind time and gotta start chionging as soon as sch starts :( straight after that had camp meeting where i spent so much time drawing out and cutting darth vader's head to be spray painted on cloths for my group's identity.

Home, relax awhile jiu went out to meet chester and headed to kimage at funan. But before that!! Smt i must say... there is this old cock bus uncle driving 190 damn cb sia! I boarded the bus and chester a few steps behind me. I asked the uncle to wait but he just freaking closed the door and drive off despite me nudging him to stop == freaking stare at him la then the dog no balls dont dare look up... asshole

Anww~ had my hair cut and dye at kimage! Was free too awesome :p first time dye hair>< glad parents nvr say anything cause they dont really like one... at first asked for dark brown.. then dk talk talk until med brown..talk talk again end up the colour they applied is like reddish!??? Lolll wts>< hahahah whatever laa i like it ^^

today had meeting again. Prepare finish everything as well as touch up on details. Tml is finally camp day i hope i would do a good job as its my first time being GL :/ okayy time to sleep if not i would be zombie ducky tml~ goodnights!

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Hurt

You make me feel so bad, so hurt... A part of me can never let you go and all i can bring myself to do is just say goodnight to you everyday. For the past 5+ years, im sure ive sad goodnight to you at least 85% of the time. Now youre telling me to stop? I just dont know what to do anymore. You made my tears flow again... My tears flow so easily because of you you know that? Ive sacrificed so much, did whatever you liked and changed whatever you didnt like... But still? For fuck. Day after day we grow further apart. I dont want to see you as a stranger the next time i see you on the streets or what.

Lam yiling, i dont understand you. I thought i knew you very well after being around you for so many years but you changed too much all of a sudden. Right now i cnt even get past that wall you place around yourself. What else can i do?!:( idk how to bring myself to leave you completely at all.... Fml seriously. Why is my love like so fucking shitty :(

Apart from love, the only thing i know is to just shower myself with goods to give me that temporary moment of satisfaction and joy.. Loving my s3 and got me a leather case that costs $59... Leatherre! Best material ever. Luxury and class at its best!

Academic stuff is just a huge burden now. Projects hardly progressed and tutorials untouched collecting dust... How often i just wanna quit sch and work sua. Life is one big lie. People have their own problems, lies and masks. Im no different. What rich cheerful kid that is seems happy all the time? Haha what bullshit.

The happiest kids always have the darkest pas/feelings inside. They just have 2 lives where one is always cheerful, bringing joy to friends and not wanting friends to worry for them. The other side is just everything they nvr showed/released out. Everything is kept inside and away from others. Idk how to live my life properly nor truly happy. Idk how long more i can last like this. Fuck fuck fuxk :(

s3

DWheee today is a nice day indeed ^^ afternoon went clementi mall to recontract my phone, got a new s3!!! Awesomeee! Its gonna take some time getting used to thou... it being android and the sheer size of the screen!! Its like just WOW!;D after that went for tennis~ its been so freaking long since i last played sia;( played until damn crappy...
Tired day. Plans for tml cancelled :( oh well

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Exam over

Time check : 2.41am! I dont gave a damn too since exam is finally over~~~~ Lets summarize. FIT is bullshit and i hope i can get A or even AD. Pmkt, som, aaa get B or higher is good liao la:) just dont fail any can liao!!^^ and this was the first exam where i stayed up till late night just to study sia! Partially my own fault for playing diablo in the mornings/afternoon><

anw studying/chatting with ash and ahma at void deck during the evening was damn awesome~~~ hearing all those stories which i could nvr experience, making me feel damb fortunate without realizing... Getting more distant from class but meh. Dont really give a damn!

Been chatting with the pig and occasionally da jie for the past few days :) nice laa~ bringing smiles to each other even if it is through sms>< cnt wait for mon and wed!! Gonna be with ash and ahma again! Thinking back, met them since sec 1 so is like 6year friend liao sia! :) mon gonna have lor mee for breakfast tgt before going ahma house play com tgt~ ash gonna teach ahma how play dota while im just gonna hook my laptop to her tv and play diablo upsized^^
wed going ahma house again but this time to mahjong! Gonna cook pasta ourselves coupled with wine for the meal! Gonna be awesome too~ looking forward!

Gonna start working at my dad's clinic again thou... Really short ob $ after spending on my Coach >< HAHHAHA DONT REGRET BUT WALLET PAIN SIA~ okay la time to sleep^^

:(

I dont know if meeting you was a good thing or not. I dont know if having your twitter ac on my phone is a right or wrong thing too.... Reading that 1 DM to your friend was more than enough.... I dont know how to put it into words. Maybe i just dont understand you well enough and neither do you. Maybe thats where the problem is :/

It feels like i just left the peak of the roller coaster and going downhill all the way. Hopefully it will climb up soon and things will turn for the better:) one reason to why im so unclear is because i dont know of what i really want and of the consequences >< arghh this is so frustrating! Why am i so conplicating to the extent of me not understanding myself too :( wed. After your exam i will find a way to straighten things out... Hopefully? I dont know how to make this gamble. I hate to lose especially in such stuff :< i dont know ehy but im friggen sad over this till my eyes getting watery. Why am i affected so much?! Do you really mean that much to me?!! If so how much do i mean to you? I really wanna know :/

Sorry for not being honest at that time. I dont even know myself and my wants.
Sorry for not living up to your expectation but im sure there is a way to solve that part.
Sorry if we still cnt understand each other well enough but communication/understanding improves with time right?
I think i might have fallen in love with you... Damnit!

FIT

Today was the first paper. Left home early so i could have time to go clementi get starbucks for me to enjoy while doing exam. I dont get why they have to put FIT on a SATURDAY MORNING == but seriously, its an effing waste of time! Completed the paper in 15min when time given is 1.5 hours. Spent the next 15min finishing my coffee before going toilet. Just nice when i came back, we can be released le >< LOL! Lame ttm?!

Headed home and had lor mee before meeting ash, ahma, sbt, ray and their friend melody(?) dk her at all. Headed to ecp with birthday boy ash~ cycled all the way to the end of changi.... Tiring ttm sia!! K la while cycling i was texting poo clearing things out with her.

Sorry but i wasnt entirely honest... Didnt say the complete truth cause i dont wanna ruin anything. Ahma says go for it and follow my heart but i cnt anymore. Its not easy liking someone else when half of my heart is already broken and titled under someone else le. So i cnt really love with all my heart and it isnt fair for you too..so im restraining myself :/ i only asked about your side after i came home(now). Cause youre not the only one confused! I dont get what youre doing sometimes >< oh well i hope we just stay as we are or just get better only. But that brings about a whole lot of other issues and complications!! Shallnt say it now~

back to ecp : slacked then headed to dakota(?) the food center there! Tired my first Lao Ban beancurd in my life! Hahaha not bad! The carrot cake too~ headed home with 2 cramp legs and a pain ass ><

time to rest :/ played enough for today... Tml back to studying le

Cnt take a hint

Im highly confused right now. I dont know how to take a hint. I also dont think i understand you well enough yet. Your actions and stuff is that of one matter, but suddenly ignoring and stuff is like 180 difference la! Im damn confused and blur now all because of you. I dont know what to do now too :( you entered my life, messed up everything and just left?!?! What is this! Althou im not sure if you really "left" yet but yea... I hope your not the same as others in my past. If you let me believe that your different, i will do the same back. "ask and you shall receive" .

Tml FIT! No confidence what so ever but i just wanna pass and get over with it la! Haix freaking hate exams :( oh well~

Study marathonnn!!

Waaa i seriously damn proud of myself today sia! Let me summarize : breakfast -> school -> lunch -> study -> dinner -> study -> supper -> sleep! Damn power sia!! First time in my life lorh><

okay lets start from the top~ bcomm was actually just presentation. So i had to freaking wait 1.5 hours just for my groups turn to present for like <10min?! Omg laa~ after that was pmkt tut and i was one of those who DIDNT skip lect :p poo didnt want come into the lect to wait with me so only find her after lect to have Mos at poolside. Just at poolside i got spotted my some friends lo and keep giving me that 'look' >< lol lol lol~ its standard thinking but yea~ she not my gf!!!! Hahaha

Studied tgt.. K wrong. More like i studied while she made bday card for her bro, xiao baii~ hahhaha:D this that bla bla skip. Coincidenally met xiao bai at busstop but took different bus cause no space. Bus. BUS ITSELF! Ah irritating... Saw fir and jorel== they also started distubing me about me and poo>< like omggg?!?!!

Had dinner and then went out to study with ash and ahma again :) i think everytime we study tgt ahh.. The area at the void deck we were at ALWAYS have some event or happenings de sia!! LOL! Home, rest abit, continued studying , supper and now on bed :) only have the stupid pushed forward AAA tutorial tml at 3pm >< hope can study with poo again after that~ :D

Ohh got me a new wallet!^^ is actually card holder but yea~ love it loads! Simple, small and light! I think i got it on impluse la>< Coach... And its $200! Hahaha my first higher up brand :p burberry perfume only so cnt really count>< its a step up from my usual Armani and Fossil! Hahaha okay really need sleep le :( tired max!!!

Study.

Hehs morning took the same bus as DJD to sch :) saw Poo at the interchange too ^^ lect was boring boring. FIT released quite early so managed to find seats at makan place after like so many weeks?! Hahaha was texting/twittering/fb msging poo all the way lo>< drained both our batts :/ tutorial is like meh... Helped me get a better understanding thou since the lect was so damn dry and wordy + boring ><

Met up with poo to eat first before going to study~ had our fun, had serious time too :) well balanced! Ate at kfc after finish studying then sent her back home >< jap curry chicken rice awaited me but i was too full from kfc to finish it :( ate half since its so niceee :D bcomm till like 12? Then d3 for an hour. Bed started seducing me and i gave in :p wed meeting poo again to study~ hehehe she is fun to hang out with la :) opposite of djd! Like very hard to.... Talk in real life? Hahs kay goodnights ^^

D3 + update

Well well well~ finally got my diablo 3 and ive been trying damn hard to control my addiction! Its sucking my soul in oh my goshhh~~~ time passes so quickly when im playing d3 too>< BUT CT is next sat la wthh :( need to study!! playing can wait! Studies more impt! ;<

Elearning is over and normal lessons are back. This means waking up early again. noooo :( i want my royal sleep! Talking about sleep, idk why but i cnt seem to fall asleep :/ too much thoughts ob my mind maybe? It already 1.30am cmon!!! Let me sleeppp.... I feel so confused once more. Night after night saying goodnight to mutu without fail, but recently msging DJD and Poo more~ hahs at least i feel less bored and empty that way :) talking to them puts the smile on my face once more. And if youre reading this, nemo, TOO BAD CAUSE YOU WONT KNOW WHO I TALKING ABOUTT~ althou for mutu is easy to find out la>< muhahahha! You this stalkerrr:/

Gonna study with Poo tml and on wed after sch~ then tue and maybe wed will be studying with ahma and ash~ study marathon lets go! GPA cnt fall any lower!! Up is the only way to go now!!^^ *determined* and no, diablo you aint getting in my way! Blehh ;p

Mind, oh dear mind of mine. Would you kindly stop thinking and start shutting down? Thanks, sincerely ducky><

Wrong

Town-ed today~ while waitingfor bus at interchange saw tty! Still as white as ever! Hahs. Waited at starbucks awhile before going to buy tickets. Like big LOL only la cause we both havnt watch battleship! So watched and it was pretty cool :) got my refills for my pen too! Cost a bomb la! Each faber castell ball point refill is like $8?!?! Goshh.... And today is the day i wanted to bang wall the most!! You keep replying idk or anything or just shake head and give me that face!!!! Put me in such a weird and difficult positiob :/

Apart from all the joy and laughter. I feel as though you are not the one too.... Yes there is some feeling there but im not sure if it could work out well~ dont think i wanna pursue this ba:/ but its nce knowing you :) shall just continue keeping mutu in my heart to prevent me from seriously going insane>< still longs for the day i could hold you in my arms once more :/ i dont need anyone else or anything. Just you and im contented!

Life aint easy at all. Esp with so many 2faced fake friends all around. Not easy trusting people. Not easy trusting the right people... I know what you are doing to me but i dont wanna say anything only. Im guessing ive accepted that fact and gotten over it. I dont need you all too == im still living fine and sort of happily! The fortune teller's words will forever be stuck in my head and i shall live with it : to succeed in the future, i can only rely on myself. No one will be there to help me and support me. I shall believe that! I can do it!:D

Elearning week!

Day 2 of e-learning week gone in a blink of an eye. Im satisfied with myself though for completing almost 80% of work already! When do work, jiu seriously do, after finish a few then rest and relax :) well balanced and productive!^^ tml going out to enjoy myself and thurs will be dedicated to studying and doing work! Plus its the last lesson of jap! Nooo i love jap :( i want more lessons but just no test and stuff. IB is seriously just one big burdennn! Irritating max only ><

Anw~ i dont know if im doing this right or not. As a matter of fact.i dont even know what im doing == im going out with someone whom i met because of another friend's mistake. So is basically from complete stranger to somewhat friends??? Hahhaha complicating ttm~ but still hope tml will flow smoothly :) thats it! Goodnights :)

Kukup!

Once in a while, a getaway is needed for me to just avoid all problems, frustrations and everything negative! Could use such getaways more often too!

Spent Ytd and today with family and cousins at kukup! Its like a chalet/camp but with awesome people! The bonding and fun we had is priceless. Im sure i came back fatter too since the meals there are so huge and had more than 3 meals a day too!!!

Most of the time was spent singing on the karaoke system available in the house! Good practice for kbox next week with Mambo 6 ah!:D if not will be talking, playing games or just walking around the village!its such a peacefull village la! Everything seems so calmed and relaxed! I dont mind living in such a place lorh~ too much things that i enjoyed for me to type so yea. Shall just keep these memories forever :)

Gotta catch up on sleep now~ tml having the make up bcommm biz msg test so much prepare! As well as the telephone thingy on tue :x goodnights~


its nice talking to you and you ;)

Macro

Time now is 1.12am. I need to get up at like 5.45am later on to meet rest of family befre going kukup tgt~ excited ^^ hope everything is packed and i didnt leave anything. Thou its just a 2d1n trip la~ machiam one simple camp only :p

hahs the only reason i stayed up till now was cause i watched a vid on youtube showing a guy and his Macro. With just 1 click of a button he managed to pull up a text bar and typed words automatically, opened up his browsers, played music and opened his game all the way to the log in page before it automatically typed in the user and pass! Freaking cool la!! All those with just 1 button>< so of course i tried it! took damn long sia. So much trial and error, research didnt work cause none were helpful at all. But that sense of achievement after you managed to figure it out? Priceless! Managed to do a Macro where at a click of a button, it runs the game all the way to the log in page where it automatically enters my pass and logs me in! Awesome sia!!:D programming such things aint easy man :/ shall do more macros when i come back!!^^

sch has been even more boring and suckish than ever. Like a gige a damn la hor. Shall not let others influence/affect me that easily. Esp if there arnt truly impt to me at all.. Projects coming in, tests and exams right around the corner! Better buck up and work hard soon!:) goodnights~

Sick

Aishh didnt go sch today. Didnt do the writing business msg test so need make up for it next week.. Ah whatever la hor.

Couldnt get myself out of bed in the morning. Felt so weak and kept sneezing + running nose.. Went polyclinic to get MC>< the most impt thing~ hahahha the wait at there was insane sia! Sit there 1 hour but actual consultation with doc < 5min ! Had lunch at bbp and saw giraffe when was depositing money.. Stalker max siaaa! Hahs

Homed, played com awhile then napped till 7+ . Felt slightly better after that but had to take panadol cause headache came == sian max siaa! Tml dk if i should even go for tennis/shooting... Sat going kukup with extended family so wanna be well by then~ ahhhh

Tired

Boring day indeed.. Nua on bed till quite late, not eat jiu shi play com le... Just slacked the whole day will evening. Had a crappy dinner which was cooked too early so food wasnt hot, and not well cooked too :/ anw after that i went down to play badminton with an uncle i met years back from playing badminton :p looking back... Time really flies!

Right now im just lying bed nyaing. Considering if i should do tutorial since tml wont be that free. Legs hurting again>< time for a massage! Nothing much to write today la. Too bored so wanted to waste some time only :p

Kay..

Had a long talk with mutu ytd... Spoke of what ive kept/felt deep inside. Recent events(?) aint exactly the most cheerful or enjoyable. Sue i do experince a good laugh once in awhile but it is all short term temporary. The joy doesnt last and i always fall back to that lousy mood.

I must really learn to accept the facts and reality. People change, bunch of them are fakes and most will stab you in the back once they dont need you anymore. Yea... Felt all 3 at the same time == "i dont need self entertainment, what i need is the company of others" but its hard to find good company nowadays~ oh well. Living with it, moving on. Well, at the very least im still trying to...

Nothing much to look forward to for the next week except going Malaysia with extended family! No matter what, family is really the last thing one can fall back on. But my case? Ha! Cousins and stuff different story la, but parents.... Sighh i know they are loving, but they are showing it in a way i dislike == plus they so old anf old fashion that i sometimes dont get their logic/thinking at all == age gap ah! Living in different century one ><

Hmm what else~ lost my flow of thoughts already>< forgot what else i wanna say... Mutu? Next best date would be during june holidays which is like so damn far :( oh had sake ytd night and it was awesommeee!! Dk if i can fall asleep leh. Had an accidental nap earlier >< slept till like 9! Sigghhssss

thoughts

okayy morning met panda on bus while on the way to school. talking to her made me think of some other things that sparked off in my mind. In her case, she and another guy likes each other, so technically they are tgt. but since panda has too much commitments and stuff, they are not officially tgt. to make it simple, together but not together. this led me thinking, the phrase ' together but not together' can go both ways right? making it similar to  whats going on between me and mutu. always meeting up, chatting and stuff, together in a sense, but will never have any love-love-relationship between us, therefore not together. hehe not sure if im making any sense but yea that made me think of even more stuff lorh.

The reason i wanna be always close to her, constantly by her side. She is the type that will fall for others easily if they like her. Im like her only exception for nothing will ever happen between us again. So in my own view and what la.. i wanna keep being with her, going out tgt and stuff. Keeping other suitors away while being with her while not having any changes between us ;)  kinda selfish but whatever. hmmmm can i put it this way? i wanna be your fake bf like how you are my fake gf. Being tgt with me but not being actually together...
From now on would be my view on myself, not on her anymore. I know no matter what i do we can never get back tgt again. Its stuck in my head since like 4years back? hahs but still i continue doing what ive been doing for the past few years as i view you as my fake gf. 'Liking' only you so that i wont fall for others and hurt myself all over again. Since liking you has been the only thing i have kept constant for the past 6 years and it is sort of my protection from my own self. I hope you can accept me for what im doing la. Cause if i were to fail to see you fall into the arms of someone else..... i dont know what would happen neither would i want to find out.

good day

today~ hahaha okay la shall just start from the beginning ^^
bcomm was such a bore! hardly anyone paying attention and all just slacking/playing their own games or even sleeping >< was looking forward to 2hour break cause........... TENNIS! ^^

went straight to kismis after lesson was over. why? cause the day before while in Ourspace, we played finish our game of monopoly deal. Timothy had this idea of challenging me to a tennis match after asking if i school team or national player anot ... LOL COURSE NOT! TOO NOOB ;( anw we had our match with a little gallery made up of classmates ^^ won 6-3 ;p got $10 from it too since he was the one who wanted to bet ;/ but he is a good player la! after the match he admitted he used to be a social player(?) not idea that that meant but yea...

pmkt... fark that piece of shit module and the tutor sia! both sucks ttm! nvr pay attention AT ALL. was only waiting for lesson to end so can rush off to meet mutu for movie~~~~ ...rushing off... this caused a problem too which i shall talk later on ;/

walked quickly to bus stop and was lcuky cause a cab came not long after. reach jp, collect tickets and stuff and waited for mutu to come. while waiting~ met wanjun and her friends! dk la she say one of her friend sabo, say me and another of her friend know each other and was making that bf/gf sign(?) to the both of us >< DAMN AWKWARD PLS! WE DONT EVEN KNOW EACH OTHERRR! but she really quite pretty la hor ;p

mutu came and went to watch the much praised THE AVENGERS!digital. shall explain this now
1) couldnt find a good timeslot for 3D at JP
2) mutu dont want watch IMAX ;(
3) i only have limited time with her. we both end at 3 but she need be back home by 7 cause of her mom.

okay movie was good, most awesome part was when Hulk just picked up Loki by the leg and smashed him about! HAHAHAHAHA! after movie, mutu when to buy mother's day present at Charles & Keith. went home after that since was getting late for her le ;(  okayy now shall talk about the problem that incurred from being in such a hurry to leave lesson. during the lesson, i took out the paper bag with the Stitch in it meant for mutu which i bought from taiwan. left it under the table and I FORGOT TO TAKE IT AFTER LESSON END! was damn farking worried that i lost it for good sia! Went home bathed and went back to sch straight away. Didnt even had dinner before leaving and was too worried about it...but thankfully the cleaners held it when i went back to the class to find it. that heartattack moment man. was damn touched and thankful after that. wanted to go back yewtee pass her but she dw. So forget it lo~ pass her the next time i meet her ^^

Going out with mutu really makes me happy and forget any unhappy thoughts. though what she said to me will remain in my head lorh ;( i said to marry a rich guy lorh and she responded. marry for what. my fortune teller said that if i married or have a bf my career(?) wont be good. Hahs its good that she is independent la, if she is planning to stay single, i will still continue to stay by her side all the way. Thats how much she means to me ^^

bored + others

was bored and thus looked back at some of my super super old posts... wow things really have changed man. i even have some problems trying to decipher what i was talking at that point of time. but still it brings back to much memories ^^ come to think of it... i always wondered.. how much have i changed over the years? maybe a little less childish? maybe a little more retarded? i dont know~ all i know is some things in life will never change and i hope it will stay that way forever.

rotted my morning till now away doing nothing but watching vid on com or just nua-ing on bed ;/ going to start work on tut after dinner~ i feel like going for a run today>< hmmm should i? or maybe i should go for a run tml morning at like 5+ am? hahahaha see how la!

i see my blog like quite plain ah... lets add some COLOURS! or just colour without the 's' hehe. 


anwww~ i feel as though im losing my senses. i dont know whats wrong with me and i dont know how to help myself too. even panda can tell that im just showing a happy front while hiding all those unhappiness and stuff inside... sighh what is to become of me and my future? i really dont know. hope, if there is still such a thing left for me, please appear soon. im losing myself, im losing you. its the same actually since i would definitely go mad and lose myself if one day you were to disappear from my sights. ;(

Outing

Today in short is a great day :)
Was early when meeting mutu and her friends, joel, joyce, jaime, julia and mathiew(?) . Went to ecp to had something to eat first before rollerblading~ too much little little things to talk about so skip! Go home, sent mutu off at her station again. She really like not happy with me sia!>< got wrong meh:/ then whole day keep 唱反调 with me one :( aish so what eh? Im loving and treasuring each and every moment spent with you, from supporting you when you were about to fall while rollerblading, to pulling you closer to me to let others pass in the mrt and finally just sitting down tgt while you waited for my train to come. You just mean that much to me you know? Not because of our past r/s or whatever feelings i have for you. Its because you are you and youre just that impt to me^^ past the levels of best friends and lovers eh? The stage where no one i know has been before.

Just saying

Just wanna say it since i thought about it after our convo. I like you for who you are. I like how you have been ever since i met you, hardly changing your strong exterior personality but soft on the inside. I like you for who you are and hope you wont change no matter how difficult it gets for me to even talk to you or what. One shouldnt change just because of other's opinion. You are who you are and thats what makes everyone unique!

Glad that im going out with mutu tml even if its with her friends whom i hardly know :p

oh oh!! Today is panda's birthdayy!!! I doubt you will be seeing this but yea, here's my thought : happy birthday to you! Have a blessed 18 and no matter what happens, i will always support and be there for you. Choose who you fall in love with wisely and i No matter who it is, i wish you all the best even though i cnt hold you in my own arms. Meh thats a thing of the past. 3 years ago de stuff :p hope you will like my present too!
Quote from ahma : she already have everything and dont really lack any stuff, other than a bf la. Thats why i want to get her branded stuff. Time for a upgrade? Hahs!

And now for the less impt stuff. Skipped lect today cause was too darn tired and unwell :/ if i went for lect, i would be sleeping throughout the whole day. Rather just skip one lect so i could stay awake for the remaining tutorials eh? Hehs for the greater good~

And i really should sleep soon! Goodnights :)

Totm

Its times like this where i feel the weatest. Like this lost of hope and joy within me, this saddness and frustration coming out from no where... Mood swing? Idk. All i know is its strog enough to make me not wanna go tennis tml. If you understand how much tennis means to me, you might get the idea of my mood now. Argh i just feel like screaming it out, letting tears flow and venting it somewhere! Its times like this when i need you the most :( but its also times like this when i feel as thou you just disappeared from my side. Its just my thinking... Ive always been there for you. Even if im feeling down, i would still ignore my own feelings for the sake of yours. But where were you when i needed you? I may mean nothing to you but you are my everything. I cannot live without you. Hehs i think i just felt a tear roll down... And i guess this shouldnt be here but on my notes inside. Who cares. Who even reads this shit. Cause no one cares about the nameless useless ducky. All he has is himself, his ever so limited and little money as well as his fictional lover whom he holds on to so dearly.

I want my life to change. I want my mood to change. I want at least something, anything, to change...

All this makes me not wanna talk more liao. All i shall say is i went town to get panda a charles&keity bag.. Hope she will like it.

Sian

Im bored to the extand of doing this during bcomm class == this bytch needs to learn to talk less and be more direct la wtf!! And it seems its gonna rain soon :< why did i wear birks! Dumb me.

Ytd was labour day. I used to love public holidays for it means no sch etc... USED TO. In poly, hate it ttm! Rather just have normal sch dayd == still need have makeup lesson etc~ arghh! Nothing much to do at home nowadays too >< rewatching eureka 7 and gonna start on another show soon, recommended by mutu cause got her show lo inside :p

Imma so tired that i just wanna lie down and sleep :/ althou i slept quite late and overslept abit... Finally same bus as panda sia! She always the bus before mine de~ and her bday coming soon!!! Havnt get her present yet... Oops~

ahhh im only looking forward to tue nowadays.... Sigh!!

Its been a while

Its been awhile since i last blogged so yea.. Lets start from the past few days!

Its currently week 3 of school! Time is passing by so damn fast and the workload is just increasing till the point i cant take it sooner or later! Everything is so monotonous and boring. There isnt the spark of fun or randomness as compared to my previous classes... Although there is still a joker but less hardcore. Laughter still comes out occasionally but it really isnt enough to let out all those pent up frustration and saddness. Im a loner. Born to be one, meant to walk this path by myself with no one to rely on.

Moving on to today, today is a damn awesome day out with mambo 6 peeps! How many OG groups still meet up and go out tgt after a year sia! *proud*! went to eat at hong kong cafe with xinzhi, jiahui, eline, stella and alex first before meeting up with zhihong and going to playnation to just HAVE FUN FOR FOUR FREAKING HOURS! Damn fun! Was spamming wii and kinect! Machiam mambo exercise outing! Laughed alot and kept cracking jokes and stuff!! I cnt seem to put it to words due to the sheer awesomeness! Walked to dhoby ghaut, like i said : exercise outing, for buffer dinner at japan village(?)

hahaha even dinner was fun and full of laughter! I think we were the loudest group la! But heck care! I enjoyed myself and im sure others did too^^ sharing stories, making fun of each other and just having a good time stuffing ourselves with good food!

Homed and immediatly started work on tut after bathing, managed to complete it by the time i set for myself^^ achievement! Was talking to mutu about me not wanting to her to go club and stuff after hearing stories from alex and zhihong... She is too precious and i care for her too much to let her go into such place knowing its esp risky for her since she so pretty :/ hahahaha and really hope our tuesday plan can work out somehow ah! To meet up every tuesday or at leazt once every 2 weeks!! If not i will miss you do damn much sia my dear mutu :<

Okay la time to sleep! If tml i would be falling asleep in tml's lect :(














You call me your wall. And i want to live up to that name of being your wall, sheltering you from the elements and protecting you from any harm that might come your way~ just dont use the key to open that door to get to the other side where i cant protect :< i want to just keep being by your side at all times, through thick or thin, no matter what happens, i'll be there!

Current

I pretty much like how the way things are now. Esp the emotions/feelings part of me. Its calm and sort of peaceful. Hope it will stay that way for a long time, although a part of me still feels empty, lacking something and someone :/ being there for each other when faced with problems, i like it as it is. I may not be able to hold you in my arms but at least i have you by my side~

The only problem now i have is.... STUDIES! Freaking shit sia! First week is over and i can feel the stress coming and how packed things are going to be :( i hate studyingg!!!!! Sobs hope can pass can liao la :( already struggling to do tutorials sia wts! And its only the beginning.. Dk how badly would i fie at the later part of sch...

Moving on, finally completed Family Outing season 1! Its a damn good show worth watching! The joy, tears and sometimes, conflict, share between the Family and memories created through that is really priceless! One can never truly live alone, the support from friends and family are crucial!

Shall sleep le ba:/ so late already! Was too engrossed in my game :p hahaha goodnights~

Sanity

I really enjoy your company and conversations with you. I feel relaxed and it kinda keeps my sanity in check. I wont know how crazy or mad i would be sia... Such random convo i treasure the most. Nothing better to do and youre the first person i would be looking for le. Being there for one another at all times~ ahhh. Btw i think my mind not working so well... Brain gone into OT since i stayed up just to msg and pei you for a while since you said you not gonna sleep early today :/ hahs

Dont care

不管全世界抛弃我、不理我，但只要我有你，我还能开开心心的生活下去。在我的世界里，我只需要你。Everyone else is so damn fake sia like seriously! No one you can really trust.. No wonder they say friendships during sec sch are the most treasured and reliable. In poly, everyone basically cares about themselves only, and when dont need you anymore, they just cast you aside like nothing.

But right there is my problem :( i have you, but not constantly. Its a on-off friendship we got there.... I dont expect or demand a lot. I just need someone who will be with me all the time, able to rely on and at least have a good and true heart! Is it that hard? I dont want super pretty perfect girl cause that doesnt exist i know. Just someone who acknowledge my flaws and accept me for who i am. Aishhh~

done

Its been so long since i last opened up and said everything that i truly feel deep down in my heart. Was tearing as i recalled the events leading up to now. You are still the only person i can really trust even with my life...

Why make my own life so miserable? Im the one thats crumbling my own world, not the world that is crumbling. I really need to stop trusting people so easily and stop seeing them as important people to me when they are not. Im gonna need some time to change and adapt thou... People nowadays are so damn fake... You will never know whats hiding under that daily mask when you see everyday.

Ahhh ive really messed myself up big time. Its kinda ironic imo. I trust you but you dont trust me. Certain things make me unable to trust as easily now. What made you like that now is bec of your past, what make me now is bec of you. COMPLICATED MAX! But all i know is, youre right. It was just a crush and i shouldnt be wasting time on you especially when its hurting me so much. But i will still stick to what i said and always be there for you when you need it. I will not leave like others. I hate going back on my words ahh ;/

*doors are closing, please stay away from my heart for its not going to be opened as easily as before anymore* It took me so long to open up since my break up with mutu only to shut it back once more. Shall just continue waiting for the right person then.....

Lost again..

I really dk what to do, what to say now la... I feel so lost and helpless. Whatever i do or try is as good as not doing anything. Why is things so difficult?! Arghh really gonna explode liao sia wtf! Tears rolling down again as my heart aches. Why? Why? Why? Must i really shut myself? I cnt bear to do it after i took so long to open up... This thought has been floating about my mind all the while : could dying make everything much easier?
Hahs not so soon... I still wanna watch my world unfold, i still wanna feel love once more after so many years. The absence of love can really make one go insane :/ seriously, fuck my life ==

Mutu

Aish no matter how much i wish to go out with mutu of the last day of holidays, her health is always more important!:/ hopes she gets well soon and that we can go out tgt soon ;)
Recently ive been playing with my new toy at night since morning have laptop to play with~ ipad ipad ipad^^ wheee! Ive come up with my own theory : majority of non-iphone users will say ipad and iphone are basically the sane, but iphone users will say that the ipad is different>< hahahahah whatever it is, as long im happy with what i have can liao! Although in still unhappy that in being ignored.... Sigh!

Was forced to help out in cca fiesta sia! Stupid comm members making conditions with me just bec they dont have enough helpers and i wanna use the locker to store my jacket and stuff :/ walao eh i sch team they should provide locker for eq what>< why set condition sia kns>< hahahhaa whatever la all i know is im hungry but i still need wait 1 more hour before the shop open and i can go down eat woth dustbin~ stupid dustbin keep dw go eat supper with me one lorh! At least today have the chance to go le hehe^^

Sian

Everynight, i think about what has happened and how things are now. Reviewing the past at stuff... Adding on to the fact that i feel most weak and vulnerable at night, i feel like just letting everything out :( its killing me inside out even as i type! Argh how am i gonna live on properly like that! The light at the end of the tunnel was just a candle burning me and choking me slowly... I feel as thou im talking to myself but i will just do what i normally do. Why should anything be different after that? I should feel comfortable and relaxed~

Hoping mutu will be free to go out with me on sunday :( she is the one girl i can open up to, lean on when times are bad and be happy just be being with her :/ that one girl i cannot live without~ hahs im sure everybody has that someone too^^ oh well shall sleep now~ boring day tml><

Time

It took me 2 years to crawl out of this solitude which ive trapped myself in... But all i need is just 2 hours for me to fall back in... Goodbye world, i guess its not time to open up yet :/

What have i done

What have i done? Been asking myself that for the past hour... No wonder i suck at chess... Always making the wrong moves, always messing things up. But what can i do when its the truth?!
It started out as just a concerned course-mate... Slowly knowing each other better and stuff. Feelings grow but thats not what ive been after in the first place! You know i still cnt get over my past, so no way i can be having 2 person in my heart.. Its just unfair and not right in my opinion! Liking and loving has a big difference. Im not asking for anything neither do i want to ruin this.. Arghhh whats wrong with me recently :( im guessing sorry isnt enough? Sigh:/

Kbox

Morning nothing, afternoon... Wanted to have tennis but the stupid rain and lightning thunder came in :( went home eat then left for cck! Kbox with mutu, ryan, kunda, andrea and anling~ hardly sing any since i cnt sing~~~ hahhaha! Go listen to others only :p having mixed feelings now sia! Happy yet sad, so close yet so far :( aishh

Oh was only suppose to sing from 7-10 only but now already like 11 plus liao siaa crazy! Hahaha free extention of time sia><

school

aish school is starting in 1 week's time ;( time passes so quickly when youre having fun! but the same routine repeats every single time... at the start of the holidays, one complains that there is nothing to do and is so boring, wishing holidays would pass soon. at the end of the holidays, one complains that time is not enough for one to enjoy and detests the thought of school reopening soon.

its sad that huixian is so busy with her work such that i cnt go out with her anymore during the holidays ;( nvr really went out tgt too.. only like find her before or after work to eat and stuff >< oh well hopefully when sch reopens things would be slightly different. anwwww~ going out with mutu, kunda and ryan on monday for kbox! omg its been so darn long since i went k~ somemore these ppl is all the k pro sia :( my voice so cui i shy to sing sia >< hahs!!

ahh havnt get my ipad yet!! wanna get it real soon ;( plans change due to unforeseen circumstances but hope things will still flow smoothly now >, < back to watching family outing these few days and its still the number 1 thing to make me laugh and cheer myself up ;) hopefully next sunday my day out with mutu works out well too~ alright enough for now!

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you never know how much you meant to me ;<

For you

This is meant for you should you be reading this okay? :/ they say how long you like that person, you will need how long to forget him/her. I liked mine at first sight, than getting together. Even after breaking i still continued to like her. But after a point of time, i really tired to forget her. This is my 6th year and im guessing im finally over her. Divide by half and the time taken is more or less there. Time heals everything, but how long it would take, no one knows. Believe in yourself as i believe in you too ^^

I love this phrase from ＂海派甜心＂and i would believe anything that could make me even slightly happier : ＂上帝夺走了你一个xx、上帝一定会换给你一个xx＂

All i care for is your joy and happiness~ 只要你开心、我就会开心! ^^

taiwan

back from taiwan ytd! super tired but really enjoyed myself ^^ shall not talk too much about it as i dont wanna spent writing what happened during that 7d6n trip~ just talk about it briefly la hor ? basically is go walk walk, see their icons, eat their awesome xiao chi, their night market and see sooooo many pretty girl :P hahahah but always kept in mind i already have 1 back in sg >< hahahaha!

muscles aching all over but later i still wanna go for tennis! been so long since i played sia sure rusty and stuff le ;/ cant wait to go out with mutu, panda and nemo!! :D eat, play, buy stuff and do hair~ aishhh shall just spend this holiday, then when school reopen shall save like some beggar le ;( YES AND SCH STARTING SOON OMFG! 11 days? oh noo~ lessons and stress all gonna come back to haunt me ;( shall work harder this time round and not let results drop anymore; ( well at least i got my first choice for IS elective of JAP, but its 4 hours every thursday starting at 8am == damnn~

chalet

pat 2 days was tb03 class chalet! awesome much! shall start from monday morning :

went town to meet huixian for lunch at crystal jade! thou somehow her work schedule got screwed up but all went well after all ;) had xiao long bao, spring roll and beijing style dumpling ;) was not really alot lorh but she still eat so little! :/

after eating.. she went work and i went to pasir ris le! met up with ben and otaku and mac first and slowly one by one started arriving. checked in into chalet and settled down first. me xinshun and raf went bowling while anthea xinren rebecca joo hoe and zheng han went pool >< played rather badly for the 1st game but second game alot better ^^ met up again after playing and headed back to chalet to start bbq >

after bbq over went to play bowling AGAIN at like midnight~! HAHAHA damn fun~ clapped and cheered when miss or what, then jeer when spare or strike ;p went back and played 'cheat' until kana complained for laughing too loudly >< watched jef raf xinshun and ben continue playing until like 6am >< went to bed then....

COULDNT FREAKING SLEEP! jef and ben snoring away like some symphony orchestra lidat and that idiot jef kicked me like 3 times despite me pushing away his leg la! finally gave up and went to sleep beside anthea and raf >,< nvr really sleep well but at least caught some rest la~ played 'cheat' for one last time before checking out and headed home! slept on both the mrt and on the bus... bathed and then slept again until like 8pm >< right now : more or less recovered my energy le but still abit tired!

have tml to rest properly and the day after would be flying off lerh~!!!!! hahahahaa *excited* alright back to watching family outing and time for a ice cream too ^^