end camp

Camp ended 4 hours ago. But in that 4 hours i was either sleeping for had smt to keep myself busy with. Currently im just blogging on my phone while on the bus back to np! Left the loft earlier carrying all my dirty clothes and unnecessary stuff home so that i would not need to bring such a big and bulky bag home tml from sch~

Camp was so so. The planning, intrusctions and execution wasnt up to standard. But shall not blame anyone since we all have a chance to learn and improve on our mistakes :) apart from the bad stuff, the camp was enjoyable and i hope my freshies had fun too~ im sure we bonded over the past 2 days.

Ytd night was an OMG one siaaa... was a Scarer for the nightwalk at block 34. Freaking scary sia that place at night :( containing my fear was damn hard esp when i have to do a good job scaring the freshies >< nightwalk until 3 freaking AM! Went back to the loft and guess what me and edward did? Open a can of redbull each, drank and started doing our own project/tutorial.... sad life ttm :( did until like going 5am,before we KO-ed naturally~ hahaha

Idk where my pic will me since im uploading from phone but yea! My awesome look during the nightwalk~ my contacts are actually red but hard to see><

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camp

Lets start from ytd! Busy day indeed!
Morning met project group mates to start on most of the work. We are really behind time and gotta start chionging as soon as sch starts :( straight after that had camp meeting where i spent so much time drawing out and cutting darth vader's head to be spray painted on cloths for my group's identity.

Home, relax awhile jiu went out to meet chester and headed to kimage at funan. But before that!! Smt i must say... there is this old cock bus uncle driving 190 damn cb sia! I boarded the bus and chester a few steps behind me. I asked the uncle to wait but he just freaking closed the door and drive off despite me nudging him to stop == freaking stare at him la then the dog no balls dont dare look up... asshole

Anww~ had my hair cut and dye at kimage! Was free too awesome :p first time dye hair>< glad parents nvr say anything cause they dont really like one... at first asked for dark brown.. then dk talk talk until med brown..talk talk again end up the colour they applied is like reddish!??? Lolll wts>< hahahah whatever laa i like it ^^

today had meeting again. Prepare finish everything as well as touch up on details. Tml is finally camp day i hope i would do a good job as its my first time being GL :/ okayy time to sleep if not i would be zombie ducky tml~ goodnights!

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Hurt

You make me feel so bad, so hurt... A part of me can never let you go and all i can bring myself to do is just say goodnight to you everyday. For the past 5+ years, im sure ive sad goodnight to you at least 85% of the time. Now youre telling me to stop? I just dont know what to do anymore. You made my tears flow again... My tears flow so easily because of you you know that? Ive sacrificed so much, did whatever you liked and changed whatever you didnt like... But still? For fuck. Day after day we grow further apart. I dont want to see you as a stranger the next time i see you on the streets or what.

Lam yiling, i dont understand you. I thought i knew you very well after being around you for so many years but you changed too much all of a sudden. Right now i cnt even get past that wall you place around yourself. What else can i do?!:( idk how to bring myself to leave you completely at all.... Fml seriously. Why is my love like so fucking shitty :(

Apart from love, the only thing i know is to just shower myself with goods to give me that temporary moment of satisfaction and joy.. Loving my s3 and got me a leather case that costs $59... Leatherre! Best material ever. Luxury and class at its best!

Academic stuff is just a huge burden now. Projects hardly progressed and tutorials untouched collecting dust... How often i just wanna quit sch and work sua. Life is one big lie. People have their own problems, lies and masks. Im no different. What rich cheerful kid that is seems happy all the time? Haha what bullshit.

The happiest kids always have the darkest pas/feelings inside. They just have 2 lives where one is always cheerful, bringing joy to friends and not wanting friends to worry for them. The other side is just everything they nvr showed/released out. Everything is kept inside and away from others. Idk how to live my life properly nor truly happy. Idk how long more i can last like this. Fuck fuck fuxk :(

s3

DWheee today is a nice day indeed ^^ afternoon went clementi mall to recontract my phone, got a new s3!!! Awesomeee! Its gonna take some time getting used to thou... it being android and the sheer size of the screen!! Its like just WOW!;D after that went for tennis~ its been so freaking long since i last played sia;( played until damn crappy...
Tired day. Plans for tml cancelled :( oh well

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Exam over

Time check : 2.41am! I dont gave a damn too since exam is finally over~~~~ Lets summarize. FIT is bullshit and i hope i can get A or even AD. Pmkt, som, aaa get B or higher is good liao la:) just dont fail any can liao!!^^ and this was the first exam where i stayed up till late night just to study sia! Partially my own fault for playing diablo in the mornings/afternoon><

anw studying/chatting with ash and ahma at void deck during the evening was damn awesome~~~ hearing all those stories which i could nvr experience, making me feel damb fortunate without realizing... Getting more distant from class but meh. Dont really give a damn!

Been chatting with the pig and occasionally da jie for the past few days :) nice laa~ bringing smiles to each other even if it is through sms>< cnt wait for mon and wed!! Gonna be with ash and ahma again! Thinking back, met them since sec 1 so is like 6year friend liao sia! :) mon gonna have lor mee for breakfast tgt before going ahma house play com tgt~ ash gonna teach ahma how play dota while im just gonna hook my laptop to her tv and play diablo upsized^^
wed going ahma house again but this time to mahjong! Gonna cook pasta ourselves coupled with wine for the meal! Gonna be awesome too~ looking forward!

Gonna start working at my dad's clinic again thou... Really short ob $ after spending on my Coach >< HAHHAHA DONT REGRET BUT WALLET PAIN SIA~ okay la time to sleep^^

:(

I dont know if meeting you was a good thing or not. I dont know if having your twitter ac on my phone is a right or wrong thing too.... Reading that 1 DM to your friend was more than enough.... I dont know how to put it into words. Maybe i just dont understand you well enough and neither do you. Maybe thats where the problem is :/

It feels like i just left the peak of the roller coaster and going downhill all the way. Hopefully it will climb up soon and things will turn for the better:) one reason to why im so unclear is because i dont know of what i really want and of the consequences >< arghh this is so frustrating! Why am i so conplicating to the extent of me not understanding myself too :( wed. After your exam i will find a way to straighten things out... Hopefully? I dont know how to make this gamble. I hate to lose especially in such stuff :< i dont know ehy but im friggen sad over this till my eyes getting watery. Why am i affected so much?! Do you really mean that much to me?!! If so how much do i mean to you? I really wanna know :/

Sorry for not being honest at that time. I dont even know myself and my wants.
Sorry for not living up to your expectation but im sure there is a way to solve that part.
Sorry if we still cnt understand each other well enough but communication/understanding improves with time right?
I think i might have fallen in love with you... Damnit!

FIT

Today was the first paper. Left home early so i could have time to go clementi get starbucks for me to enjoy while doing exam. I dont get why they have to put FIT on a SATURDAY MORNING == but seriously, its an effing waste of time! Completed the paper in 15min when time given is 1.5 hours. Spent the next 15min finishing my coffee before going toilet. Just nice when i came back, we can be released le >< LOL! Lame ttm?!

Headed home and had lor mee before meeting ash, ahma, sbt, ray and their friend melody(?) dk her at all. Headed to ecp with birthday boy ash~ cycled all the way to the end of changi.... Tiring ttm sia!! K la while cycling i was texting poo clearing things out with her.

Sorry but i wasnt entirely honest... Didnt say the complete truth cause i dont wanna ruin anything. Ahma says go for it and follow my heart but i cnt anymore. Its not easy liking someone else when half of my heart is already broken and titled under someone else le. So i cnt really love with all my heart and it isnt fair for you too..so im restraining myself :/ i only asked about your side after i came home(now). Cause youre not the only one confused! I dont get what youre doing sometimes >< oh well i hope we just stay as we are or just get better only. But that brings about a whole lot of other issues and complications!! Shallnt say it now~

back to ecp : slacked then headed to dakota(?) the food center there! Tired my first Lao Ban beancurd in my life! Hahaha not bad! The carrot cake too~ headed home with 2 cramp legs and a pain ass ><

time to rest :/ played enough for today... Tml back to studying le

Cnt take a hint

Im highly confused right now. I dont know how to take a hint. I also dont think i understand you well enough yet. Your actions and stuff is that of one matter, but suddenly ignoring and stuff is like 180 difference la! Im damn confused and blur now all because of you. I dont know what to do now too :( you entered my life, messed up everything and just left?!?! What is this! Althou im not sure if you really "left" yet but yea... I hope your not the same as others in my past. If you let me believe that your different, i will do the same back. "ask and you shall receive" .

Tml FIT! No confidence what so ever but i just wanna pass and get over with it la! Haix freaking hate exams :( oh well~