Honestly, I find my life similar to Singapore's weather now : hazy. Unclear, erratic and occasionally a pain to deal with. Feels as though I've lost my purpose in living. No motivation, no goals. Just living day by day, killing whatever time is available. I feel... Empty... Like a hollow shell, a puppet if you must say.
With that said, I'm losing my joy again. Yes I may seem happy all the time, enjoying my "carefree" 少爷 life, but it's all just a facade. Temper is becoming bad, patience is at a all time low. Worst of all, the negative mood swings are more frequent recently. I have no idea what is going on with me. It suck and I want it to change but I have no idea how! Just turn back to my sec sch style of being emotionless? I want to but I don't wanna make my friends worry for me. This is life being fair to me right. Balancing perks and downfalls.. Having to live a comfortable one but with the lack of stable emotions.
You know what's the best way to kill a person mentally? Giving him hope when he actually has none at all. And when reality hits him with full force in the face, it's just that hard to stand up again.
I wanted to say all these out but couldn't bring myself to. All I could was to try and enjoy whatever moment I could, look back at those happy memories in times of sadness. Even so, sometimes I would accidentally look too far back and remember those hurting memories that killed my heart. Forever.
Retail therapy didn't really work for me in the morning, but late dinner and desserts did make me forget those unhappy stuff for that moment when I was with panda. Thankful for those friends around me. Those that can lift my mood instantly when I'm with them.
