I loved and i cared. I did all that i could but to no avail. Maybe thats the reason why i was so sad all these time.. i was hoping to achieve smt that could nvr happen between us. And now, distance between us seems to be growing by the day. Im really tired. I loved you with all my heart and life, cant you see it? Or you choose to ignore it thats all? Plus minus here and there and i loved you for 6yrs le. Thats the amt of time ive known you too.

The more i think about this,  the more i wanna cry :'( what went wrong? Why couldnt our love have another beginning after everything was better? What changed?  Shall not be bothered with you anymore.. do what you want for all i care :/ sucks to have this kind of feeling as the year is about to come to an end. 6Yrs ago, at the start of the year, first day of sch. I saw a pretty girl who seems so gentle and lovable. It was love at first sight. I waited, waited for things to end with KL. My patience succeeded and it was the time of my life. During that period, time passed way too quickly and things came to an end :( i keep trying to get back but you put me down time after time. My heart was completely shattered, i cried so much until i now barely have any tears left. Life was at its lowest when i watched you got tgt and broke up with DC and Stev.... i was there for you, but it seems im just another tissue in your life. If you need me, you will use me. After that im just thrown away and forgotten. I seriously pause to wonder, what am i to you? Like seriously... times passed and with countless ups and downs. Countdown to 2012 and valentines with you was the best i ever got. I will treasure those memories, but memories and nothing more.

Here i am now, countdown 2013 is just tml. A piece of me just died. It died when im finally over with you. As much as i want to cling on to you, loving you even thou its one sided, im done. Thank you for all the memories and love. I doubt i can love another as much as i did to you but thats just life and i have to live on right?

Lam Yiling, you where the best girl i ever met. I pray for your happiness and success in whatever you do in the future. Hope that someone who deserves you and be able to love you better than me appears in your life sometime down the road. Dont always thing that there is no point in having faith in humanity alright? :)

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Xmas

Merry Christmas.
Well nothing joyous events happened to me thou. At best was that i played tennis and nothing else. Can feel the alcohol rushing to my head le so shall quickly write what i want and sleep! Tml tennis again.

Shall start about tennis first. Im going serious about it... as for shooting.. shall try and maintain eh? Today mel said smt which i found insulting yet funny at the same time.. he, playing with ham and the gang, told me that andrew and dk who said my strokes are weird and 'wrong'. Loll of all people, them?!! They are so much worse than me, and that Me they are judging is the me from 2mth back. Havnt played with then for a lonnnngggg time and much has changed about my game. Watch out man! Ducky's on the hunt!

went out with pooie ytd to celebrate xmas eve.. CZ 12 ,which is was awesome and hilarious, before walking around and heading back. As usual, skipping details but those details are making me so darn confused and as a result, hurting :(
When we first started talking a few mths back, you asked me this qn which i answered 'no'. Obviously i was lying cause i myself wasnt very sure and i dont wanna ruin the friendship. Months later, and after a series of events and Details, you are making me so damn confused as to what YOU are trying to mean. You seem to be the one who is not clear now... things we do seems so, the-next-stage.. yet we arnt there. All i see around us is a thick fog. Uncertainty, unclear. How do i put it.. you are constantly pushing and pulling me from you. If you were to ask me the same qn, i can give you a firm and honest answer which i will uphold for as long as i live. But can you? I love you. You know? Its so fucking hard trying to hide it and push it down... all bec im afraid you dont share my feelings and it would ruin us.

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end of the world

Woohoo In 30min, currently 2328, the world will end according to the Mayans. Althou i dont really believe in it, lets spare a moment to think about my life till this point of time.. just today, i enjoyed myself and can die happily already ! Tennis and starbucks ? Nothing more that i can ask for :)

Well lets review my life.
My life basically revolves around tennis, shooting, starbucks/eating and friends ! Challenged myself to beat dennis in tennis in 1mth time. Gonna chiong liao man!!

Shooting camp was a few days back and it was... should i say bad in a good way? It seriously pushed my body to its limits, strengthening it at the same time! Good ah, but freaking aching everywhere esp my legs! Other details shall not be elaborated further but...  yea i had a good time :p

Once again my life is pulled into chaos and conflict.. internally.. true love i believe in happens to be my first love. And first love is always hard/impossible to forget so im always confused and tangled up.. and now a sort of new person enters my life and is making more confused. On the verge of breaking down anytime man :( my love life is just so sucky..... honestly... want to love also cannot. Want stay single also cannot do it happily and properly :/
mutu, panda, sbt, lady boss, nemo, pig, djj, poo...

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nearly done

Woohoo exams are coming to an end soon!! I just wanna pass all papers tyvm. Scoring well is just a bonus! Fmgt was okay i guess but i screwed it up here and there... oh well its over so heck care already la har? Gonna chiong study eba tml. 1 day to study 1 module which would be tested on 7 topics. AWESOME =.= hoping to really get selected for the IBSM trip to china in march next year as well, im leaving SG and parents for 2 weeks! How awesome is that?!!

okayy back to my personal life. Away from studying , education crap. Its nice to treat others and put a smile on theit face :) it makes you feel better inside too. Maybe thats what i needed and did, treating qiyu and djj to starbucks. 1-For-1 today too so yea ~ hahahaha . Must balance happy and what not eh. Stupid person that tried to enter my life.. so hard to push away and get rid of completely. Way too cling-y and is getting me quite irritated. Took mutu's advice and was effective to the point of seeing immediate results ^^

Mutu, thats another story. Been sharing more hidden hidden feelings/thoughts of me with her for the past 2 days. Idk i sense a change with her but i think im just being paraniod.. well having that strong feeling of love(in general) and falling out of it suddenly and staying single for 3 years is taking its toll on me man.. sick and tired of the stupid lonely feeling that overwhelms me from time to time.

Making me do stupid stuff too la! Thou i blame it on HIMYM.  Anyhow trying to talk to random pretty girl but failing. Well it was a great distraction from studying :p

There are always those ppl that i wanna grow old and spend the rest of my life with, never forgetting them or even still hanging out from time to time. Ash, ahma. We now already sitting at void deck drinking greentea eating peanuts while talking till quite late lorh. Mutu. First and true love can never be forgotten, and i will forever still hold that feeling close to me no matter what. How i wish i can just hold you close to me once more too...

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bad day

Well the day started well i guess? Went for a jog along zheng hua park. Need to improve more for the sake of URun and 2XU! Hahs. Was super tired and legs pain like dk what. Headed to sch after bathing and resting awhile. Lessons lessons meh. Was damn stress and nervous about the HRM test and had a feeling i wont do well.. guess my feeling was right and i did do badly for it. Fml man!

Okay laa the day wasnt bad throughout, it was more of a roller coaster ride. Morning well, afternoon bad, come evening was good cause i went to meet sbt at plaza to get the starbucks one for one tgt !! ^^ not a bad deal la horr i finally got my hairband ive been asking for for so long. And starbucks was on me :p walked her back and chatted etc etc. Some stuff must always be left unsaid.

Okay this part seriously caused my mood to drop . Went out to supposingly study, ash and ahma homed only arnd 8? Ash and ahma already ticked me off ytd cause of other stuff == today just made it worse. Like wtf? Must i really become like mutu, unable to trust anyone at all?! Not even my closest friends??!!! Keeping to myself all the time? Wtf man.. went home after sitting thr like an Idiot for 45min ...

Bad mood all the way and i am seriously touched to tears now! Thanks to my awesome djj :) she knew of my bad mood and send me an awesome mms.. where else can i find such awesome djj like seriously . Well some people are just nice i guess. I wanna trust them but they and past experiences are making it so hard! Well im still glad there are awesome people around me ;')

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