Aish.. my poor blog is the best place for me to vent everything inside as even twitter is too public for me to say everything out. It feels as thou my whole world is falling apart and i am on the verge of breaking down. Never have i felt so hopeless, so pathetic. Nothing seems to help nor work. its like im back to my secondary school self of locking everything up inside and just giving a cheerful and happy face in front of anyone. That might still be the case now but the more i open up whatever was stored inside, the more horrible i feel. Weak, more prone to hurt and pain, sadness. Everything just engulfs me so easily.... slowly sealing everything back in now. slowly becoming more of an introvert. damn this is bad but what else can i do? The person i trust most and love most is slowly fading away from me. shadows surround everything else i once sought joy in! From having her right by my side at all times, to just looking at her back from a distance and now, losing sight of her real quick... i dont like the way things will go in the future if this keeps up... i dont wanna end up like complete strangers. This really sucks. All i need is just 1 person, to be there whenever i need it, to rely on and to be able to trust completely. Other than that i dont need anyone else at all ;/ but sighhh such person might never exist in the first place.
quite true la hor... talking to this djj. say me not guy one. Well in a way maybe ba? feelings wise more feminine? tsk... emotional and occasional moodswings, definitely got it :( its hard when i wanna reach out to others but they are so hard to trust and temporary in a sense.... and thru out im slowly locking myself in. gosh!!! Life, Studies, Relationship ( love/family ) , and even Finance! all just aint working well for me at all. Im srure mutu gonna hate me for what im thinking of right now but at times like this, such thoughts come so easily and is like the shortest way out of everything. Whats stopping me is just fear, and disappointment to everyone else >< i dont know how to get rid of this feeling... all i know is i wanna drink myself silly. fuck i dont even have sufficient alcohol for me to do that. damn! ;(
No comments:
Post a Comment