Its been a while

Its been awhile since i last blogged so yea.. Lets start from the past few days!

Its currently week 3 of school! Time is passing by so damn fast and the workload is just increasing till the point i cant take it sooner or later! Everything is so monotonous and boring. There isnt the spark of fun or randomness as compared to my previous classes... Although there is still a joker but less hardcore. Laughter still comes out occasionally but it really isnt enough to let out all those pent up frustration and saddness. Im a loner. Born to be one, meant to walk this path by myself with no one to rely on.

Moving on to today, today is a damn awesome day out with mambo 6 peeps! How many OG groups still meet up and go out tgt after a year sia! *proud*! went to eat at hong kong cafe with xinzhi, jiahui, eline, stella and alex first before meeting up with zhihong and going to playnation to just HAVE FUN FOR FOUR FREAKING HOURS! Damn fun! Was spamming wii and kinect! Machiam mambo exercise outing! Laughed alot and kept cracking jokes and stuff!! I cnt seem to put it to words due to the sheer awesomeness! Walked to dhoby ghaut, like i said : exercise outing, for buffer dinner at japan village(?)

hahaha even dinner was fun and full of laughter! I think we were the loudest group la! But heck care! I enjoyed myself and im sure others did too^^ sharing stories, making fun of each other and just having a good time stuffing ourselves with good food!

Homed and immediatly started work on tut after bathing, managed to complete it by the time i set for myself^^ achievement! Was talking to mutu about me not wanting to her to go club and stuff after hearing stories from alex and zhihong... She is too precious and i care for her too much to let her go into such place knowing its esp risky for her since she so pretty :/ hahahaha and really hope our tuesday plan can work out somehow ah! To meet up every tuesday or at leazt once every 2 weeks!! If not i will miss you do damn much sia my dear mutu :<

Okay la time to sleep! If tml i would be falling asleep in tml's lect :(














You call me your wall. And i want to live up to that name of being your wall, sheltering you from the elements and protecting you from any harm that might come your way~ just dont use the key to open that door to get to the other side where i cant protect :< i want to just keep being by your side at all times, through thick or thin, no matter what happens, i'll be there!

Current

I pretty much like how the way things are now. Esp the emotions/feelings part of me. Its calm and sort of peaceful. Hope it will stay that way for a long time, although a part of me still feels empty, lacking something and someone :/ being there for each other when faced with problems, i like it as it is. I may not be able to hold you in my arms but at least i have you by my side~

The only problem now i have is.... STUDIES! Freaking shit sia! First week is over and i can feel the stress coming and how packed things are going to be :( i hate studyingg!!!!! Sobs hope can pass can liao la :( already struggling to do tutorials sia wts! And its only the beginning.. Dk how badly would i fie at the later part of sch...

Moving on, finally completed Family Outing season 1! Its a damn good show worth watching! The joy, tears and sometimes, conflict, share between the Family and memories created through that is really priceless! One can never truly live alone, the support from friends and family are crucial!

Shall sleep le ba:/ so late already! Was too engrossed in my game :p hahaha goodnights~

Sanity

I really enjoy your company and conversations with you. I feel relaxed and it kinda keeps my sanity in check. I wont know how crazy or mad i would be sia... Such random convo i treasure the most. Nothing better to do and youre the first person i would be looking for le. Being there for one another at all times~ ahhh. Btw i think my mind not working so well... Brain gone into OT since i stayed up just to msg and pei you for a while since you said you not gonna sleep early today :/ hahs

Dont care

不管全世界抛弃我、不理我，但只要我有你，我还能开开心心的生活下去。在我的世界里，我只需要你。Everyone else is so damn fake sia like seriously! No one you can really trust.. No wonder they say friendships during sec sch are the most treasured and reliable. In poly, everyone basically cares about themselves only, and when dont need you anymore, they just cast you aside like nothing.

But right there is my problem :( i have you, but not constantly. Its a on-off friendship we got there.... I dont expect or demand a lot. I just need someone who will be with me all the time, able to rely on and at least have a good and true heart! Is it that hard? I dont want super pretty perfect girl cause that doesnt exist i know. Just someone who acknowledge my flaws and accept me for who i am. Aishhh~

done

Its been so long since i last opened up and said everything that i truly feel deep down in my heart. Was tearing as i recalled the events leading up to now. You are still the only person i can really trust even with my life...

Why make my own life so miserable? Im the one thats crumbling my own world, not the world that is crumbling. I really need to stop trusting people so easily and stop seeing them as important people to me when they are not. Im gonna need some time to change and adapt thou... People nowadays are so damn fake... You will never know whats hiding under that daily mask when you see everyday.

Ahhh ive really messed myself up big time. Its kinda ironic imo. I trust you but you dont trust me. Certain things make me unable to trust as easily now. What made you like that now is bec of your past, what make me now is bec of you. COMPLICATED MAX! But all i know is, youre right. It was just a crush and i shouldnt be wasting time on you especially when its hurting me so much. But i will still stick to what i said and always be there for you when you need it. I will not leave like others. I hate going back on my words ahh ;/

*doors are closing, please stay away from my heart for its not going to be opened as easily as before anymore* It took me so long to open up since my break up with mutu only to shut it back once more. Shall just continue waiting for the right person then.....

Lost again..

I really dk what to do, what to say now la... I feel so lost and helpless. Whatever i do or try is as good as not doing anything. Why is things so difficult?! Arghh really gonna explode liao sia wtf! Tears rolling down again as my heart aches. Why? Why? Why? Must i really shut myself? I cnt bear to do it after i took so long to open up... This thought has been floating about my mind all the while : could dying make everything much easier?
Hahs not so soon... I still wanna watch my world unfold, i still wanna feel love once more after so many years. The absence of love can really make one go insane :/ seriously, fuck my life ==

Mutu

Aish no matter how much i wish to go out with mutu of the last day of holidays, her health is always more important!:/ hopes she gets well soon and that we can go out tgt soon ;)
Recently ive been playing with my new toy at night since morning have laptop to play with~ ipad ipad ipad^^ wheee! Ive come up with my own theory : majority of non-iphone users will say ipad and iphone are basically the sane, but iphone users will say that the ipad is different>< hahahahah whatever it is, as long im happy with what i have can liao! Although in still unhappy that in being ignored.... Sigh!

Was forced to help out in cca fiesta sia! Stupid comm members making conditions with me just bec they dont have enough helpers and i wanna use the locker to store my jacket and stuff :/ walao eh i sch team they should provide locker for eq what>< why set condition sia kns>< hahahhaa whatever la all i know is im hungry but i still need wait 1 more hour before the shop open and i can go down eat woth dustbin~ stupid dustbin keep dw go eat supper with me one lorh! At least today have the chance to go le hehe^^

Sian

Everynight, i think about what has happened and how things are now. Reviewing the past at stuff... Adding on to the fact that i feel most weak and vulnerable at night, i feel like just letting everything out :( its killing me inside out even as i type! Argh how am i gonna live on properly like that! The light at the end of the tunnel was just a candle burning me and choking me slowly... I feel as thou im talking to myself but i will just do what i normally do. Why should anything be different after that? I should feel comfortable and relaxed~

Hoping mutu will be free to go out with me on sunday :( she is the one girl i can open up to, lean on when times are bad and be happy just be being with her :/ that one girl i cannot live without~ hahs im sure everybody has that someone too^^ oh well shall sleep now~ boring day tml><

Time

It took me 2 years to crawl out of this solitude which ive trapped myself in... But all i need is just 2 hours for me to fall back in... Goodbye world, i guess its not time to open up yet :/

What have i done

What have i done? Been asking myself that for the past hour... No wonder i suck at chess... Always making the wrong moves, always messing things up. But what can i do when its the truth?!
It started out as just a concerned course-mate... Slowly knowing each other better and stuff. Feelings grow but thats not what ive been after in the first place! You know i still cnt get over my past, so no way i can be having 2 person in my heart.. Its just unfair and not right in my opinion! Liking and loving has a big difference. Im not asking for anything neither do i want to ruin this.. Arghhh whats wrong with me recently :( im guessing sorry isnt enough? Sigh:/

Kbox

Morning nothing, afternoon... Wanted to have tennis but the stupid rain and lightning thunder came in :( went home eat then left for cck! Kbox with mutu, ryan, kunda, andrea and anling~ hardly sing any since i cnt sing~~~ hahhaha! Go listen to others only :p having mixed feelings now sia! Happy yet sad, so close yet so far :( aishh

Oh was only suppose to sing from 7-10 only but now already like 11 plus liao siaa crazy! Hahaha free extention of time sia><

school

aish school is starting in 1 week's time ;( time passes so quickly when youre having fun! but the same routine repeats every single time... at the start of the holidays, one complains that there is nothing to do and is so boring, wishing holidays would pass soon. at the end of the holidays, one complains that time is not enough for one to enjoy and detests the thought of school reopening soon.

its sad that huixian is so busy with her work such that i cnt go out with her anymore during the holidays ;( nvr really went out tgt too.. only like find her before or after work to eat and stuff >< oh well hopefully when sch reopens things would be slightly different. anwwww~ going out with mutu, kunda and ryan on monday for kbox! omg its been so darn long since i went k~ somemore these ppl is all the k pro sia :( my voice so cui i shy to sing sia >< hahs!!

ahh havnt get my ipad yet!! wanna get it real soon ;( plans change due to unforeseen circumstances but hope things will still flow smoothly now >, < back to watching family outing these few days and its still the number 1 thing to make me laugh and cheer myself up ;) hopefully next sunday my day out with mutu works out well too~ alright enough for now!

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you never know how much you meant to me ;<

For you

This is meant for you should you be reading this okay? :/ they say how long you like that person, you will need how long to forget him/her. I liked mine at first sight, than getting together. Even after breaking i still continued to like her. But after a point of time, i really tired to forget her. This is my 6th year and im guessing im finally over her. Divide by half and the time taken is more or less there. Time heals everything, but how long it would take, no one knows. Believe in yourself as i believe in you too ^^

I love this phrase from ＂海派甜心＂and i would believe anything that could make me even slightly happier : ＂上帝夺走了你一个xx、上帝一定会换给你一个xx＂

All i care for is your joy and happiness~ 只要你开心、我就会开心! ^^

taiwan

back from taiwan ytd! super tired but really enjoyed myself ^^ shall not talk too much about it as i dont wanna spent writing what happened during that 7d6n trip~ just talk about it briefly la hor ? basically is go walk walk, see their icons, eat their awesome xiao chi, their night market and see sooooo many pretty girl :P hahahah but always kept in mind i already have 1 back in sg >< hahahaha!

muscles aching all over but later i still wanna go for tennis! been so long since i played sia sure rusty and stuff le ;/ cant wait to go out with mutu, panda and nemo!! :D eat, play, buy stuff and do hair~ aishhh shall just spend this holiday, then when school reopen shall save like some beggar le ;( YES AND SCH STARTING SOON OMFG! 11 days? oh noo~ lessons and stress all gonna come back to haunt me ;( shall work harder this time round and not let results drop anymore; ( well at least i got my first choice for IS elective of JAP, but its 4 hours every thursday starting at 8am == damnn~