Seriously now? + End of Year

Well to start off, let me just talk about relationships, more specifically, the relationship of this one friend with made me wanna do this post. Its all in my own opinion :

Im happy for you with your new found love, and i hope you would last for the many years to come. Love her, pamper her and never let her lose hope in you. But as i have said to you, maintain this 60/40 ratio of giving in. You cant always give in to her ways just bec she dont want you to. The previous one you had 90/10.. You might as well just be her maid! You have your life and she has hers. Yes it would affect you and your side of friends in one way or another but we all try to be understanding. Now comes the unreasonable part (to me la) where just because she cant spend that time with you, means you cant be with your friends doing something else as ' it makes her unhappy' and you feel guilty about it. Its kinda selfish right? That because you are grounded and cant enjoy time with him, and in turn he cant enjoy his time with his friends without you. Sigh! Yes it makes you unhappy but that unhappiness doesnt have to be brought upon others. Its too demanding and restrictive of you. You say you understand but your choice of words say otherwise.. I feel like that bad guy now asking him to go out with us instead but whats wrong? Yes i am a mean heartless bastard but i dont see myself being unreasonable. Theres lines i know when and when not to cross. Those lines are drawn with everyone related in consideration, but do you? Okay i feel as though im ranting and blaming everything on you but its how i feel now considering your actions!

Okay enough of that, lets move on to summarizing this year up. Though i cant remember much of the events that occurred throughout the year, i will try my best...

Studies have been the same, just doing what i find necessary or sufficient to score efficiently. The best is not what i aim for, but to at least have a decent grade. Projects are exceptions as its team work : someone else may be doing their very best so i cant be the burden of the group. If the group sucks, yes im in a shitty group with majority or everyone being guys, i have to do a lot more.. Idiots who produce shitty work, idiots who arnt even sure of whats going on and idiots who cant even be bothered at all! Come on la at least produce decent levels can anot?

Friends wise, im glad to meet a few more worthy of knowing. It made my time in class more enjoyable at the expense of me beinf bullied. Yes buddy i referring to you. From you bullying me, then you somehow sync with the other 2 and bully me tgt. Well we do so to another guy but its all with fun and jokes in mind :) Kay la i admit. Thanks buddy for bringing colour to my dull and boring life by bullying/entertaining me.

Some friends will always be regarded as family despite being out of contact for a long time. This is more for the close shooters of secondary school. We stay bonded even as months and years pass by. I will never forget them, i will always love them. Ahma, ash, panda, the seniors and even the MIA sua de.

How can i ever forget the bros i met since year 1 sem 1 who still meet up from time to time even as year 3 comes to an end soon. Raf, XS, Shawn. The bromance spent tgt was..... Unique. Conquering my first run : 2xu 21km with them, and my first full marathon with XS despite me leaving him behind halfway. Oops hahah. The few bromance movie dates with Shawn LOLLOL. And the tennis buddy Raf :) Federer for the win yo!!

Tennis : the core of my life now. Picked up when my uncle introduced it to me, couldnt stop playing it after that. To improve and play better was my goal, laziness stood in my way from time to time. Pol-ite was a great achievement for me despite losing all rounds except against SP with my doubles partner Melvin. Every single sch team guy is corrupted and sick in the mind. Yes everyone. Even the year 1s who were partially innocent at first became corrupted too with our 'teachings'. And then theres Bitch. The occasional nonsense with was hilarious esp the convo where we uses chinese to pronounce english words. Eg bitch (比吃) and asshole(啊思后) [me]. Anw happy birthday to you too bitch ^^

Poly shooting mates, a different family feel. The not-so-close but still family to me. Shooting somehow brings peopls together and causing them to share a unique bond. Times shared together are memorable esp during camps where se stayed tgt in the loft, suffering and enjoying together!

Have i covered most stuff? Idk still got a few more to talk about eh. What a long post this is gonna be.

Hmm shall go with supper buddy first. The countless 2+am supper at the 163 coffeeshop, enjoying the cheap yet delicious kkm. Buy until the uncle see us, i just use my hand and guesture '2' and he nods in acknowledgement, occasionally giving us priority and serving us first. And he even offered to buy us a bottle of beer cause we occasionally do. How many coffeeshop owners would be willing to buy you beer?! HAHAH. The drinks stall aunty also know us to the point where once we didnt buy drinks, she ask why this time nvr buy and if we want or not :) I think its good have a friendly relationship (ene where they would recognize even if we bump into each other on the streets) with those who serve you food on a frequent basis. For me, it includes the 2 noodle store owner, drinks stall aunty at 163, and the drinks stall owners at bukit timah market. Random conversation with them somehow lifts my mood. Really cant wait for our Japan plan to come true : supper buddy and Evan!! Gonna have to save up like bad before that happens.

Who else who else hmmm.... Growing tired and my memory failing me le. Sua la end off soon, but not so soon too HAHA bear with me eh.

Mutu ah mutu. You know i would never forget about you right? :p You are one damn unique girl and one who is exceptionally hard to understand despite knowing you for.. What is it now, 7years? I understand you yet at the same time, i dont. The happiness you have given me cant be put into words, although same goes for sadness. Still id wanna have you in my life although in a different way from what i expected/wanted. I always enjoy the company i had with you whenever we went out. All those good food, eating till we were bloated and little conversations. Being with you, made everything else a blur. I didnt care about the world, any unhappy thoughts simply left my mind when i was with you. You bring about a different kind of joy that others couldnt bring. Im grateful for having met you, for what we been though, for what you made me go through too. It changed me in a way. Good or bad, thats for others whom i interact with to decide. Thank you for everything so far :) Stay happy always.

Annnnnnddddd finally. My personal life. Back to hiding in my own solitude for most of the time though occasional visits are welcomed. Tried to bring more luxury to my little island to help me make living more enjoyable. The Starbucks-Wednesdays and the Enjoy-Life-Fridays made me more broke but the heck. I enjoy some time alone. Eating at nice restaurants alone on Fridays since class ends early. It allows me to think about stuff i usually dont have the time to. It allows me to observe other people since im alone. Its a different experience but one that i enjoy. I behave differently depending on the person and the situation. Oh and my mood too. Been told that if im in a bad mood, i look as though i might really just kill someone. Really meh?? Idk lah my character have been molded and shaped over time as i go though different events of life. Cant help it :/ The other half i seek, but to myself i keep telling, being alone is still better. No restrictions, more money for me to enjoy and live my occasional luxurious life.

Wow. Its already going 4am. Took quite a bit of time to type this but im finally done. To conclude, 2013 has been an eventful one though it may be full of ups and downs, never forget, never regret. Time to move on to welcome a new year. May 2014 be even better. The last few days leading up to 2014, i did my best to enjoy it, make my days as happy as i could. New year resolution : do more good stuff, be more happy, do less bad stuff. Its the same for everyone so yea. A simple one.

Heres a pic of Dumbo. Cute, fat and fluffy. Love him <3. 

With that im done. Phew. Love always. And goodnights :)

At my lowest

Once again. I feel as though im at the lowest point in life, spiritually, mentally. Like my world would crumble at the slightly breeze. Fragile, weak, demoralized. Idk why im feeling like that. Time of the year? Lol. The light at the end of the tunnel just disappeared, surrounding me with darkness. I feel.... Nothingness.

Once thing led to another and i end up watching a midnight movie alone at Jcube. Hobbit 2 in IMAX 3D. Such great quality that i dont know how can i ever bring myself to watch a normal cinema movie anymore. Hahs. Hobbit 2 is a nice show but the ending like Hunger Games!! Stupid cliffhanger... And its been so long since i last left during a movie halfway to use the toilet.. To darn long for me to handle hahahh.
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I wish it would stop. This negativity is killing me from the inside out. I cant take it anymore. I dont want to live on like this. I want to change but i cant find the motivation to do so. Im crawling back to my isolation, where the situation is far worse than when i left it. Fuck. I really hate this...

缺情

Cant rmb the exact words but someone like me who forever 缺情 wont wanna get a gf is hard to believe right? True and not true la. My reply was : 'if i love this person, id have to (most likely would) spend money on her. But if i love myself, id spend money on myself and make me happy. ' Though there are some flaws to this.. how much can i love myself, how much happiness can i buy and how long can i keep buying my own happiness till it no longer has an effect. Just some food for the thought.

A nice day out with yiling! Smoothie king - tried the cocoa x-treme but it wasnt as good as i expected it to be. Tcc - high tea. Nice parfait and cheesecake they had. Vigrin tcc experience, didnt know was so ex. Wild honey - interesting concept they have, got too lazy to look through the menu so anyhow ordered. Food okay lah. The price i stun. 2 person, $70+. Just mains and drinks only.
Eating good food with nice company always brightens up my mood and day. Hope you feel the same eh esp after all your shitty work experiences.
Cant believe total amt we spent today was about 130. And its just on FOOD. Hahaha :D
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Walking this road which ive no idea where it leads to. Just making decisions when required and choosing the options whatever my mood desires. To put it in a word, my life is kinda.... Blank. Like a blank canvas. After i threw out the previous one which was too screwed up to repair. But starting from a blank canvas isnt always the easiest thing to do. Too many options, too hard to choose. Dont know what to draw first. Liabilities are an issue i havnt deal with. Need to start having more cash while having sufficient assets to satisfy my luxury-craving life.

随风飘，随水流，随地站。
No idea what it means but it feels right.

不是你想要的，一定会得到。
有些事，预料不了的。
不要让过去事，影响未来。
好的事情，把它记下来。
不好的，就忘掉把。
不管再难、再痛苦，还是要坚持下去。

Out of this world

Firstly, let me rewind time abit to 1dec. The day which i ran my very first full marathon. Hours before flag off, there was way too much nonsense between me and xs. Slacking at Starbucks, watching a midnight movie : everybodys business, which i got to say is a hilarious movie, and other shit. Flag off at 5am and it was the start of the most painful and longest journey i ever went through. By the 30km mark, my toes, feet, heel, ankle, calf, thigh and hamstring were aching and burning like mad. Muscle rub only eased the pain temporary but there was still such a long distance to go. Want to give up for idk how many times but managed to push on. Met this girl around the last 5km while following an unofficial pacer. Chatted and decided to finish the marathon tgt, motivating each other along the way. Quite cute right? But her age is SURPRISING HAHAHA. After it ended, asked this guy to help me take a photo. In return took a photo of him cause he didnt have his phone with him. Met new ppl through the course of this run. Not bad considering the anti social type of person i am. Official nett time was 5hrs 42min which im very proud of. With enough training, im going to sign up for the next full marathon.

Skip to some nonsense shit test on tue. Didnt study much, cheated, yes cheated. Say times up and ppl started talking, so i just asked for answers and wrote it down. Who cares anyway.. Its a stupid test. 

After that went back to sec sch for shooting camps bbq :) Donkey years since i last went back thr. Meeting the shooting family is always enjoyble. We share an unbreakable bond among one another despite age difference and years apart from one another. Zul was an epic joke as ever, seeing the cute juniors and catching up with the others ^^
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Whatever you feel, it affects me. Youre frustrated and angry, it makes me feel down too. I just cant help it. You just mean a lot to me. Even if the whole world disagrees with me and my actions, id still do it. Watching ppl stay in a rs for so long. Watching ppl get into another rs. Watching ppl being so happy with their partners. I cant help to feel jealous, id want that too but only with the right person. Right now i can only live life as luxuriously as i can to take my mind off those thoughts, and wait for the right one to come (back) [?]

Chill

Chill. Why suffer when you can enjoy life? My driving instructor : hungry, eat. Thirsty, drink. And he seriously teach me halfway ask me stop and go makan tgt. Seriously bullshit max. But he did make up for the time spent eating. Still damn wth la! Anw first driving prac was damn fun. The accelerator really likea sensitive uh! Getting the hang of it and speeding up little by little after each lap of the ulu ulu road. Hahah :)

Town-ed ytd to meet up and do proj. This group... I really dk what to say la. Really like damn slack yet we still can somehow get the work done. Had lunch at Ippudo again. So far, its the best ramen shop ive been to thou its abit high price wise. Ramen play was seriously a joke. Not worth it at all. The waitress seemed surprised when i said i didnt need the menu and just told her my order straight away haha! First time i sat at the 'bar' of a restaurant too damn cool!!! Sitting thr eating while watching the chef prepare peoples orders.

Stupid ah boon. Tempted me into getting my second cup while at starbucks before usual round of Smoothie king hehe^^ 3 cups of drinks = $20++. oops.

Shall hope i will fall asleep soon. And id really hope youd stop appearing in my dreams :/ its making me go crazy from all the overthinking. Its making me miss you even more... Damn it. Ah whatever goodnights ~

First time dressing up like that. Trying out different styles. Pardon the messy background in the pic. Hahah yes my room is forever in that state. No point cleaning up one.

Another quick one

Work is piling up and im starting to struggle to even keep up and cope with the pace things are going. I may only have 4 modules this sem but they are all so technical and memory-based subjects. IEF is seriously a freaking killer. I got lost at the 2nd or 3rd lect and i can really die trying to understand that shit. Projects due after elearning which is next week. And after that comes the common test. Ah fuck really need to buck up and start doing those projects and studying for the damn tests!

On a happier note, i passed BTT earlier on in the afternoon :) 47/50 aint that bad right? Haha. Can finally start learning and hit the roads once i get my license and car. Supper is gonna be a common thing and screw public transports. Squeezing w smelly ppl and having to tahan kaan chiong kiasu uncle/aunty. But contradicting to this is.... Im planning on going overseas to study. And im kinda hating SG. So the car...... Haha.

Been more open in regards to sharing thoughts and feelings recently. If i can, id just answer whatever you ask. I dont get why ppl bad mouth others until so jialat that they put up some kind of barrier between each other and give those weird looks. Judge me all you want for who i hang out with but i try to remain as neutral as possible. I dont want any harsh feelings. I just want everyone around me to be happy... Is that so difficult to understand?

Humans are way too complicated and selfish creatures. Its so hard to trust one fully. I can totally see myself being a crazy animal uncle in the future ( smt like crazy cat lady ) Gonna get a puppy, kitten, hamster, duck and maybe a bird. HEY thats majority of the disney animals hahah. Speaking of animals, Dumbo, yes i named my hamster Dumbo cause he is really dumb, is so damn fat and cuteee HAHAHHAA. So adorable when he curls up into a fluffy little snowball :) *melts* How i wish i can have a conversation with him and he behaving more properly....

Insomnia

Cant sleep to fall asleep so just gonna do a small update.

Been finding more time here and there to tennis. Having 2 "jobs" is taking up majority of my time on top of schooling hours. The one w the school cant really count cause by right, i have 8 hours of work. But by left, i only work 1. The other 7 i just go home or slack after i sign in sign out at the same time hahhaha.

Weather damn pms nowadays. One moment sunny, next moment torrential rain. Wth man forced me to buy a new pair of slippers and stop wearing my birks. Been having to cancel some tennis sessions due to the rain too :( I ALREADY HAVE SO LITTLE TIME TO TENNIS AND THE WEATHER STILL AINT COOPERATING! Grrr

Cant wait for new rackets to arrive!! Should be soon? Like in a week or so! Money gonna fly like instantly. Still havnt save up $500 thou.. Like halfway only :p
Match this coming sat! Like a small tournament for our constituency. Just gonna have fun but still try and win it. Playing both doubles and singles! Just hope my body wont give up halfway into the match due to exhaustion... Oh well ~
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Well anyway, emotions more stable nowadays apart from getting pissed off by parent, but thats a norm so yea..
Ive always been curious : going out w a girl, like one on one, is no big deal right? There wont be weird/misleading thoughts right?
I like enjoying life. Be it alone or sharing the moment w someone else. Of course i prefer to be w someone cause can talk and just chill tgt. But i fear misunderstanding of intentions. Society is too screwed up. Acts of courtesy or innocent actions are seen wrongly as flirting or other nonsense. Sigh. Why is being the nice guy so hard and complicated.
"usually the heartless people are the ones who once cared too much"
Trying to stray away from that by still being nice, but its difficult.

Whats the point?

Thought of the day : Whats the point of being nice?

Makes you feel good about yourself?
Making other people happier?
Just because you wanna do it?
Habit?

Seriously what does being nice to others bring to yourself. People take niceness for granted nowadays. Its not appreciated, its expected as though you owe it to them. It makes you vulnerable to being taken advantage of, trampled all over and not be given a damn about. Theres a limit to how much giving one can afford before he/she just snaps and not give a damn anymore.

Mine is slowly running out too. Honestly, i find being alone much more enjoyable. I can do whatever i want, not face any bullshit and be restricted in anyway. My long term life plan now would be to be a rich uncle that lives in luxury and dies young and alone. It makes things much more simple. No complications. Being nice to people who treat you like shit just isnt worth it at all. I need my space, i need my solitude. People come and go, its part of life..

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Moving back to reality, i hate my class. I dont like the people, every single module is so dry, boring and memory-based. And worst of all, i cant tennis for AN ENTIRE MONTH. Just fuck my life. Helping out at dads place every mon, tue, thur and fri. He took away so much of my time and he still dares ask me where i went and why was i out till so late. Damn you i need to enjoy my life too -.- Im living in hell right now with the lack of tennis. ARGHHHH HAND DAMN ITCHY TO WHACK SOME BALLS.

Everything seem so boring now. There isnt a thing that i look forward to now. Occasional day outs are the only things that add some difference to the monotone life. Like today, out with ah del for dinner at Sushi Tei. Good food makes me :) But a week in Japan caused my standard required for food to go up a little but it was still satisfactory. Didnt take photo tgt so heres a old one during the holidays.

End of holidays

Well, all things have to come to an end sooner or later, and in this case, the 2mth holiday pass by in an instant. Last week of holiday was spent in Japan visiting my sis. She is recovering surprisingly well and fast since the accident. Hope she would be back to normal soon! :) The idea of having metal stuck into your leg to straighten the bone.. Geez omg. Having a cast was bad enough (personal experience) but to have metal too?!?! I think id just faint and remain unconscious sia.

Wandered around Japan for a few days too!! There was ikebukuro, akihabara, suidobashi, tokyo, ueno, and somemore i cant rmb now. Its quite a fun and interesting experience tourist-ing around in a place youve never been to and having some language difficulties. BUT, I SURVIVED MUHAHHAA :D wanna travel alone again, or at least w friends, NO PARENTS. Just a burden at times only....

Schools starting tml and im not mentally, intellectually prepared for it yet. Idw to go back to the mundane studying and working days... I want tennis. I wanna go out and enjoy myself. I wanna shop!!

Speaking of shop, got me a new watch from japan. ORIENT. Beautiful, automatic semi-skeleton, exhibition back, sapphire glass. Damnn its gorgeous. Now idk what else i want le. Hahahah im always satisfying my own needs and wants asap. To plans for the distant future, only now now now.

Back to school crap.. May only have 4 modules but im pretty sure most of them are killers. For one, i have IEF. A freaking tough and with high failing rate. Then there is CCP which is like CQ all over again. Damnit im starting to hate the module even before i actually sat for the lecture, and just by briefly browsing through the slides.. This sem is gonna SUCK. Have a feeling i wont mix well with classmates. Gonna be some emo alone kid liao lorh :( sighh.

Always look at both sides of a situation. Take monster university for example. Normal : a loser works hard despite hardships and emerges out on top to achieve his dream. The other way : a person faces hardships, slowly gives up and becomes a loser.  Normally people would say to look at both sides, understand and be equal. Screw it. Look at both sides and choose the more favourable one instead!

"I love myself way too much to be loving others" how i wish i can just keep to this and make things simplier, less exhausting and painful. Maybe this is the reason why i keep buying stuff for myself. I just want to satisfy the me now who is constantly troubled. There is no plans for the future, just living the present and regretting the past. This is one messed up life i have to change soon.

Suay ttm

The absolute defination of suay applied to me earlier on :/ just sian max only. Morning went for a swim. At first only got 1 fat, and when i say fat, i mean those seat normally also need 2 seats kind of fat, sharing lane w me. After that 2 more fat youths come. Walao ehhhh so many empty lane pian pian must come my lane make it so darn crowded. Make me change lane after i got in my comfort zone....
Afternoon went NTU to play.. Sun hot like mad, ran like crazy thanks to sadist senior -.- really become chao da liao la. But seriously i LOVE going to NTU. So many pretty ladies ~ hahaha shame most are older :(

After that went to NP play again. This is where the SUAY part come in. Playing match, last point i whack, win the point and match, but broke my string. Nvm break string win match, good sign. Take out spare racket, next match, first point, BAM break another string. Like WTF?! Back to back hits break string?!?! Chor leh 2 strings $70. Somemore i strung both just a month ago only tmd. Usually can like 2mth or even more.. But now 1mth!!??! Piang eh.

Took the school's crappy racket w nonsense string. Just played like some mad man got some crazy points until exhaustion overwhelmed me and i just stop playing that well. Who knew with a crappy racket but the best mood ever, i can hit such pro-like shots ^^ 

But still.. No more tennis for this week. Booooo :'(  gonna work at dads place for a while to fund this expensive hobby. Geez and i still wanna get shirts as well as a new watch. Ahhh trying so hard to sell off some of my unused stuff... Pls buy my Wilson Prostaff 6.1 100 and my Asus Transformer TF101 tablet only no keyboard !! Gahhhhhh money, please start appearing out of no where thanks :/

A little out of the ordinary

Well, to start off, celebrated my birthday differently this year. As a matter of fact, didnt even really celebrate it. Had cake with parents the night before my birthday. On the day itself, i just did whatever i felt like doing. Slept as long as i wanted, went town to walk walk cause the mood was there. Had a plesent dinner cooked by sinyee. Met her to pass me food, she didnt know it was my bday. Didnt had the heart to tell her too. To me, its just like any other day. The people who wished me, thanks :) it means a lot to me. Especially to yiling. For coming down at night after your work and 'celebrating' with me. Couldnt have asked for anything better. Couldnt have found a friend better than her.

Went to denzels house to watch us open after that. The only thing was... The match started at 5am. So before that, den, ham and i were fooling around like nobodys business. Playing dance central on kinect, watching Project X as well as Victoria Secrets fashion show lollolol. Was already dead tired by the time the match started. Kept drifting between awake and knocked out. End up falling asleep by the 3rd set. Glad that i found out Nadal won against Djokovic after i woke :) And and! Dens house was so @+&=#^]¥£ nice la omg! 4 stories with a freaking lift. Damn rich sia that buggers fmaily. I wanna be like that when i grow up. Living in nice house and enjoying myself whenever i get home from work.

Just something random but i just wanna say it. I feel as though i already have everything i Need. Anything else is just a Want. I want a new watch when i already have one. I want to custom my um3 when its already good enough. I want to get more gadgets. I want diamond studs just bec they are shiny(expensive). Me like shiny :) Hahahha! I want this i want that. Its never ending. Its never a 'i need' anymore. This is BAD.. Geez. Really need to stop spending so much on useless stuff that i dont need.

I feel as though my life is a huge mess right now. I dont know my purpose. I dont know how to keep on living like this. Its just so damn tiring you know? Every night before i sleep, i think about whatever happened in the day and anything else that comes to mind. All the time, a pinch of saddness is added into my thoughts and it makes me wanna cry every single time. I run away and hide behind my music. I push those thoughts away by exercising. But saddness always chase up to me. I cant run forever. Even my body breaks down from over exhaustion. I choose to be alone because i dont know who are the people around me that i can trust. I choose to suffer in silence cause i dont wanna burden those around me. Im not sure if i continue putting this fake smile up in front of everyone any longer. Its just killing me inside out.

It just fucking hurts like mad.

Tennis is my life.

About a week of holidays has passed. Seriously not looking forward to the day school reopens nor the day im getting back my results. Fear that i didnt do well cause this sem, is my slackest and most last-min-studying sem. Just pray that i dont fail anything....

For once im damn occupied during the holidays. Dedicating this whole holiday to tennis. Tennis is seriously my blood and soul now. Playing at least 5 times a week on top of working out which revolves around improving my game. From endurance runs to core muscle training and swimming. Tennis is my everything.

Well with my play style and the frequency i play.. Breaking strings like no tml!! Even my newest string (1+ mth) snapped. Outcome? 3strings total. Thank god i had that many rackets as back up to keep playing on. Bought another racket today at dirt cheap price from junior. Secondhand, super old model, poor condition. But i still play well and love the feel of it. So yeaaa ~ Another back up racket for me. Gonna redo the paint job of that racket. Mini project time!! :) Sanding off the current paint, layers over layers of spray paint plus smoothing out followed by clear coating. Gahh cant wait for the finished product ^^

Burning a big whole in my wallet just restringing my 2 main rackets.. At least a $75 damage. Hope it will last at least 2months each...

With only tennis on my mind, it keeps me occupied. It distracts me from all the sad thoughts that come to my mind from time to time. I feel better, i feel happier, i feel more free. Not saying i dont need it anymore but i still miss that feeling of loving and being loved.

How i wish....

How i wish....

Its been a long time

Its been a long time since i wrote smt, been wanting to do it for quite a while so here goes.

Apparantly this blog has been made known to another person... Well since its buddy i guess nvm la hor. As long as its not Her can le :/
Still so many things left unsaid between us. I wanna know how youve been. I wanna know whats going on in your life. I wanna see you again.
At the end of the day, what matters most is still you. Mehh all these are just bits and pieces of things i go through by myself everyday single day.

Projects are going down one by one, the sem is drawing to a close. Whats left is the Integrated Project and 2 exam papers, which is 2weeks away, which i havnt studied for yet. Just wanna get IP done and over with soon! Cant stand certain groupmates. Pissing me off so easily with every action or word said. Gahhhh just want holidays to come sooner! Sep ~ wait for me, im coming :)

Through certain situations, you can tell who are really your friends and who are just someone passing by in your life. Im unhappy but i will just live with it. I feel as thou i dont even belong NP shooting club anymore. The members are just people that are there because they are. Friends that i once saw as family feel like strangers now. I hate being fucking left out for no damn reason. But fuck it eh? Sua lo. Not worth my effort and time.

Friends that i view as family, friends that i care for and friends that are just a title.. Ive tried and im tired. Really tired. If i could, i would just move to some deserted island, live alone with my pet dog or smt. Humans are way too complicated and cannot be trusted easily.

Well that apart, i dont know whats gone wrong with me. Think hanging out with the guys team kinda influenced me uh! But i see this trend.. Every girl i tried to like.. Id always get shot down. So not gonna set my expectations too high up, and prepare for the worst case scenario. Hahhaa time to sleep. Nights :)

Its different.

Every night before i sleep, id unknowingly think about you. Every time i feel sad or down, you appear in my head. But the thing is, why are you always here but at the same time, not here :( idk how long more i can take it. My mental and emotional health is terrible. Any moment i may just snap.. i want this to stop but i dont know how :(

The past and coming weeks are seriously going to be hell for me. Assignments, projects, tests, presentations. Every week would at least have 2 things due. Seriously fml man omggg. No motivation, no encouragement. I wonder if i suddenly vanish from existance, what would happen? Well i blame myself too... been closing up recently. No longer that open anymore. Meh what to do ~ sighh !

Staying in loft for a week. Currently having NPSC FOC. This week was physical hell. Tennis for 4 days straight. Was suppose to be 5 days straight but my body just cannot take it and i need some recovery time. Sleeping later and later everyday. My body clock is screweeed!! And the day i end stop staying in loft, id return back to an empty home. Parents overseas for a week. Aish if i could, id follow them to japan too :( ohhwell ~

Gosh i seriously need to sleep soon. Waking up in less than 5hrs :/ goodnights

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Really enjoyed myself

Id say today is a really good day. Woke when i felt like getting off bed, plenty of sleep. Did some work before leaving house. This ibsm report really damn burden sia!! Chiong 1 point within 1hr, left to cathay to buy movie ticket first.

Met mutu and finally had my virgin dining experience at Ippudo. I got to say, the ramen was good. Serious. The broth wasnt too extreme, ie salty, bland or what. The meat was soft and tasty. The egg was PERFECT. No idea how they make the yolk into that gel like state. Had the Sakura Tea and it had different(unique) but pleasent flavour. Dw how explain the tea.. the taste.... hahaha

Dessert at Paris Baguette. Another virgin experience. Hahaha the cake was niceeee. Although i dont understand the craze over Royal Pudding. Maybe im not eating it correctly or i dont understand what am i suppose to be tasting or the specialty of it? Hmmm. But i confirm plus chop 100% will wanna go again to try the other pastries. Great dessert place!

Walked around taka for abit, went to Stage and got her a early bday present. Seriously lahh when was the last time i gave a proper birthday present to you?! tskk. Can NEVER forget your face after that sia. Happy like some kid who just got a new toy, that smile :) 开心最重要！If spending that amount can make you that happy, then every cent spent on it is worth it to me.

Went our own ways after, tskk realized ive never drank in a pub before. Haha no money for that eh ! Watched 'now you see me' . Its a good movie to me. Dk why ive been getting mixed reviews over it. Kept trying to guess what would happen next i was never right! The twists and plot of the movie was just too unpredictable.

Homed, bathed and went back to working on the report. Got to finish up my mcom and send my questions over to my sis tml. No time already lah omggg still have wisp to do!! Drank with my sis for abit. Wanted to finish up that left over barcadi. Now im only left with Chivas which im planning to save for my chalet. Ahhh really need to stock up on alcohol lahhh...  Nap time. Gotta wakd early tml for ibsm consultation followed by the video required. Daaaaaammnn burden la geez. Oh well goodnights :)

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Thoughts

再也不敢期望太多。珍惜所用有的，默默地生活下去。Whats there to expect when you know everything you tried will go down the drain or worse, backfire.
Whats the point of being so nice when people just take advantage of your kindness and trample all over you?
Why do people always search for something thinkings its very far out when its right infront of you within reach?
Why do people always complain yet dont do shit to get it done? Must wait for others to do it for you ah.
Must things always be viewed so complicatedly when in actual fact its so simple?

Its a lot of questions ive been asking myself but the answers are kinda obvious eh? Cause thats us humans, how screwed up most people are. Its kinda ironic on how we always say we must do the most important things first, but what we sacrifice to achieve it is usually much more importsnt than the objective. Priorities are wrongly set.

Moving to a completely different story, people always tell me to wait. Wait for the right one to come. The past are just mistakes or to put it in a nicer way, learning points. Just be patient. You know what i wanna respond to all of those? Fuck you. Saying it is so easy but do you really understand the feeling? I know im in a position far better than some people but i just cant get this off my chest. People NEED love. Be it from parents, siblings, lover or even friends.

Tbh, i feel distant from my parents as though they are just insignificant people whom i see everyday, living under the same roof as me. Siblings? hahaha what bullshit. Friends? I dont even know who are real and would stay in your life for a long time. Im really envious of those whose friendship last more than 6years. TRUE FRIENDSHIP. Now, i feel as though im fading further and further away from even once my closest friends. Im beginning to doubt everything, everyone. There is no one i can trust, no one i can rely and no one i can call my true friend. What was once true is being broken by distance and separation.

Everytime i thought i find someone i fancy, im always wrong in the end. Either things dont work out or i somehow get in that friendzone or whatever shit. It just doesnt work for me at all eh? I dont believe in heaven, god or what, but if there is one, im seriously wondering what the hell are they planning for me. Im lost. Im aimless. I dont know where to go or what to do from this piont onwards. Just fml only!

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holidays

Just a small update. I hope. Hope i dont get too carried away. Term break started 1week early for us as ae have no CTs!! Haha was happily making others jealous of us :p Well things cant always be smooth sailing, esp in year 3. We may not have CT but we have hell a lot of projects and assignments. 3 weeks of holidays is just a small time to rest abit while chionging projects and assignments due once school reopen.

Seriously the amount of work to complete is INSANE. Have to skip japan trip in july due to busy schedule... seriously no time at all :( second half of the sem is seriously going to kill me. Okay enough of work stuff.

Went out with for bromance dinner today at House of Robert Timms! Some atas place xs was working at. The food was AWESOME i swear. So was the price! Lollol :D Make use of the GSS 1-for-1 maincourse deal. Had their beer battered fish and chips. Really could taste the beer and the fish was fresh, soft and yummy :) Their crisscross fries was nice too! Traded with the rest to try a bit of theirs. All was delicious too. THERE WAS KANGAROO AND CROCODILE MEAT ON THE MENU OMG WTS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Must try it the next time i go! Total bill came to 50+ after the 1-for-1 so it was totally worth it! Chilled at statbucks afterwards. Time pass so fast when youre enjoying yourself!

You. Idk what to say. I dont wanna repeat the same mistakes i committed in the past. I dont want to ruin another friendship. But i have no idea what is going through your head. I dont wanna overthink and cause misunderstandings or what because of it. But the for the past few days or even weeks... im really confused. Ive done nearly as much as i would do for my gf but the thing is.. you arnt. Gah i dont know lah!! Just leave things as it is for now :/

Fineee im ending already. Just some mini stuff :
-Finally signed up for BTT which falls on the end of July. After that chiong driving already!! Woohoo!!
-Did something stupid. Smashed my phone on the ground in anger and cracked my screen. Damn.
-Going to try and jog to school tml morning and hopefully and enough time to bathe and eat before 11am briefing.
-Roger Federer lost to Tsonga in RG13 :( now im sad. Lost straight sets somemore. Nooooo my idol, my god!
-Feelings develop after sometime. But the past has made me over-cautious. Now im at lost on what to do.

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not the same

Havnt post for quite some time. Not bec im too busy or nothing to say, its just that there are some things i dont wanna rmb or voice it out. Things arnt the same, neither would the be the same as the past. Things changed, times  changed, ive changed. That i gotta admit.. In what why ive changed? I cant describe it myself but all i know is something is slightly different!

Hmm what should i talk about first... Feelings, love life i guess! Since 90% of my being and decisions are affected by my feel and emotion. Emotional boy indeed, but wonders what others think about me cause im usually hiding it.. haha :D okay anwwwwww.. havnt been thinking about my past and the people involved for the past months? Yes its a good sign! Yet deep down, there is always this empty feeling that can never be filled. Think im really just meant to be single for life la hor, everything also nvr work out well for me :( aishh dont want say liao la. Say already become more sian and sad!

Studies... arghhh freaking burden sia! The stress and workload of year3 is seriously no joke! Plus the stupid ibsm report, i can seriously crack under the amount of stress anytime soon. The worst is the stupid integrated project, and the fkking individual proposal. Walaoo as if we dont have enough work and not stressed enough yet! Seriously cannot take it siaa. Everyday must worry about the next assignment and deadline. Freak la just give me a real job. I dont wanna study anymore, im sick and tired of this shit.

Friends? Current classmates not bad lah. All quite friendly :) can just talk without feeling that awkwardness or restriction. BUT, there is always the BUT. That fucking bitch is in my class omfg. Fucking irritating sia. Sorry im just gonna rant now. That stupid dumb bitch, dw pay attention and listen in class, always ask the tutor repeat when he/she JUST finished that sentence, always asking stupid questions and irritating the fuck out of me. Im not the only one who hates her la. Even others who nvr met her before are beginning to hate her. This kind of people should just die and i wont even give a fuck about it -.-

kay back to nice stuff... *deep breaths* went out with my ibsm clique again, haha whenever im out with this people, i always have this family feel. That warm feeling. And always have nonsense to crack me up one.  Vickness, sweekun and delcynia : Masters of nonsense!
-This babi vicknes forever shooting me one siaaa. Nvr do anything also come shoot me with "no news is good news". Found out today that playing along is better than denying. Hahaha :'D forever with the spikey, kitty nonsense. Stupid 'triangle' im involved in ><
-And the best buddy ever sweekun. Want her go die so much yet dw her to die! Hahaha shared all my info with her ever since china as she was like the one i could open up and talk about anything with. Thank god i met her if not my life would honestly be so much more dull. Nonsense until no limit, lame until cannot lame anymore, shoot and bully each other yet still caring and concerning for one another ^^ Really like the sister i never knew i had until now hahaa
-Delcynia. Del ah del, really dk what to say. Another funny and nice girl lah. Can talk about stuff and also play-argue occasionally. Best thing is she can argue and WIN against VICKNES! Something i have yet to be able to do. Must level up skill first :p

Woahh i think i typed quite a fair bit already but yea almost done. Its like a mini-backup/Update of my life till now. Really really lost my feel and interest in shooting once again. Not the first time, as a matter of fact i think it happens once every 2 years! Aish really just gonna take a break from it for now and focus all on tennis. School team trials are upcoming soon and i gotta be ready by then! I want to make it to the pol-ite team!!! Ive been training so hard-ish for the past few months, time to reap my rewards.

Okay im done i think! Hahha gonna snooze already. So tired ~ kept thinking tml is sunday since there wasnt school today. But noooo its sat tml! Yayyy :D
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Every notification i get, i wish it was from you. But no, i always get disappointed. No point forcing things if it wont work out right?? I really liked you... sighh oh well ~

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Whats the point

Whats the point of believing in love once more? Went china, got disturbed by EVERYONE with a particular girl who was quite tall. But the truth was that i 看上 her bestfriend. Laughter and jokes aside, i tried. Only my buddy knew about all these and she supported me. Even her bf told me just do it. Just dont 'jam break' and go through with everything.. yea i did, but kept having this feel that the person that would be jamming the brake isnt me but her instead. Turns out my feel was right la fk :(

Thou we werent really tgt, had just one dinner tgt, but its still affecting me like shit. At lost once again lah. Thought had the chance with all the reasoning my buddy gave, but doesnt seem to be true afterall. Heaven must be toying with me la. Done with one, gave me 2 to choose from, chose 1, got shot down today, and let me meet my pri sch love at timbre.  Wtf man. God, you just want me drink until my liver dies at age of 30 isit?! Arghh fml totally

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IBSM trip as of now

7th day of IBSM trup to beijing/tianjing! Been enjoying myself for the past few days. Company visits were an eye opener as how often do you really get to visit such companies and factories?!Sightseeing was normal and most of the places i went before. Food was still okay though that picky and anti-vege side is still here. ;p Found out another thing about me sia... friend mentioned it to me : i have slight OCD. GEEZ I NEVER KNEW NOR REALIZED! Its kinda a bad thing right?? Though i myself am not very sure of it but i do realize i have certain habits when in my room. Not gonna say what is it cause i also dont know lollol! ;x

Free and easy in the evening and we always go out shopping and eating at nightmarkets etc. Another different experience one would never get when going overseas with a tour group : Getting from one place to another with no one to lead you, taking the public transport yourself and asking strangers for direction. How cool is that! Always boarding their MRTs during peak hours and we always get packed like sardines! arghh. So squeezy and hard to breathe! ;/ Those china people just heck care you and push and squeeze their way into the train one la. Fat people and squeeze until become skinny lorh wts. Kinda overspent over the past few days ahh.. dont know what the heck i doing also... 1 t-shirt and 1 button up shirt from Jack Jones for 600rmb, 120sgd. Then 3 t-shirt and 1 jeans from Hollister at 1250rmb, 250sgd... damn scared of what my parents would say when i get back sia!!! anwww still very happy with my buys esp those from hollister! ^^

IDK why this trip i get the worst scandal sia! Think almost EVERYONE keep saying me and this tall girl together. Walaoooo seriouslyyy just because of height and other stuff >< i know she quite pretty too lahhh and i hang out with she and her other pretty friend quite often too ;p HAHAHA This is confusing me lahh idk what to do now ~ aish... i hope its not what im thinking but still.... idk la not very safe to talk here too. Goshhhh why is this so hard and complicated!!!! Sigh just gonna sleep soon i guess ~ everyday sleep less than 6 hours. Seriously lack of sleep and can die sia!
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I miss the warmth, the care and the joy. I seek what i can see and live in constant fear of making the wrong decision. The past shapes a person the way he is now, and im a emotionally and relationship messed up person. idk how should or could i deal with this. I dont want to bring harm or unhappiness to anyone :( damn this is so hard. Am i to live like this forever? When would the time be right ~

great day

To sum everything up, today was a great day! In the wee hours of morning, had supper w charmaine and evan. Sat at the kopitiam to chat and catch up. Had a fun time talking! After that had an impromptu drinking session at the staircase! Damn badass siaa ~ traded with charmaine abit of my Martell for her Erdinger! Nice beer. Strong wheat and yeast taste. Not so bitter but not that sweet too!

Woke at like 10 after an insufficient 6hr sleep, headed to kallang to play tennis! Under the freaking hot sun for 2hrs la! Somemore its like 1-3pm! Got chao da lorh :( skin quite red now... thou my footwork and strokes are much better, i still need to work on my volley and esp my serve! Kept changing my motion.. at least now is like the 'final level'. Doing the full service motion that the pros are doing too!

Home, dinner and left for Changi straight! First time sensing friends off and it was damn coincidental! Knew 3 of my friends were flying off : mutu flight at 9.35pm, sinyee at 10pm and poo at 1.10am but reaching airport at 9pm. So the timing is damn swee to send all of them off ^^ found out that xiuyi was at the airport too only after i got home >< chatted with sinyee for quite abit before she entered the departure hall, next was mutu. Didnt talk much but meh, at least got to send her off. Went starbucks to slack and waste time for awhile before poo reached. Sat w her and her mom! Quite awkward but didnt really care ~ accompanied her till she went in the departure hall cause her mom already left . Tsk so sad sia!! Parent throw their own children at the airport to go home cause tml have work >< lucky i was there to accompany ~

Stayed till quite late and thus missed the last train. Bo bian take cab home. Burned $24 siaaa.. freaking poor now :( gotta sleep liaoo. Tml tennis again! Seriously chionging tennis for the the past and coming few days sia. Need to train and improve as much as i can before i fly for china! Go there no chance to play :( can only train physical... oh well! Goodnights

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holidays

Exam ended like a week ago? So far ive just been playing ny new game FarCry3 whenever im home. Addicted to this game and its pretty awesome! A mix of exploration, missions and fps! Filled with adventure and mouse-gripping moments ~ hahaha :D

Anw as for my papers.. f it ah? Whats done, is done. Nothing i do can change it. Its the first time i left blanks in the exam paper sia!(i think) forgot if sec sch i got leave blanks but doubt it.. all i can do now is pray to bell curve god and hope i get decent results?
Had NUSIS on sunday. Horrible man. Had a bad feeling about the shoot since waking up, turns out it unfortunately came true. Shot a horrible 522. Was fycking pissed, disappointed and sad la. How long has it been since i got such a score? What the eff happened to me and my average sia omgwtf. How to improve and keep this interest up when im not meeting my own expectation?! Arghh gotta solve this problem man. Trying my best to balance tennis and shooting now, bothing aiming to do damn well. But both also not there... What the hell was i thinking when i had thoughts of going pro?! WAKE UP YOUR IDEAS DUCKY! THIS KIND OF SHIT STABDARD HOW GO PRO?! WAIT LONG LONG EVEN IN DREAMS ALSO DONT HAVE UH!

Went out for the past 2 days. Monday was out with kitty, bra and zul to watch One Piece movie Z! Gotta admit, its the BEST anime movie so far! Dont regret watching at all! Even got a One Piece paper envolope! Haha awesome :) met tiger after movie to walk about. Left early for tennis but ended up going home after awhile cause of the stupid rain.
Today, met ash and aden at town, followed ash to cine to get his ear studs thou ended up not buying. Met tiger, kitty and bra coincidentally. At that point of time, a wave of thoughts rushed into my head. Betrayed, disappointed, angry and sad. Keep telling myself now, she was a waste of time and effort, screw it shes such a whore. Honestly, im using such words to describe... arghh making me so pissed and used! Bitch ==
Okay back to main point : went to timah and played pool! Tgt with ahma and panda ;) had fun and kept laughing all the way ~ too much nonsense and jokes already! Should really meet up with them more often siaa . Always will enjoy my time one ^_^ People come and go, but there are some that you must and will never let go. Cause those are the people and will bring you happiness and keep you sane in times of madness or when you are feeling down. Just their presense is enough to cheer you up :p

Gotta snooze liao la ~ 2 rounds of tennis tml! Morning with raf, afternoon with dennis. Seriously spamming tennis now before i fly! Oh yes.. Need. To. Go. Shopping!!!!

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rock bottom

Idk whats wrong with me but it just feels as thou ive hit rock bottom. Slack in the middle of an oblivion. Why am i feeling like this?! Idk mann this sucks :( no feel for everything i do. Didnt study at all, was even playing tennis half-heartedly. Yes, if i cnt even play tennis at my fullest, smt is very wrong. Yet idk the source nor the reason which caused the state i am in.

Another thing. Screw this s3 la. So laggy all of a sudden. Quite a few friends facing different problems with their s3 too.. geez whats going on? S3 rebellion? Hahs. Meh nothing much to post today. Didnt talk much too.. somehow i just love ninjaing my house at night, with not a single light switched on. I feel more comfort when everything arou d me pitch black. Like nothing is there for me to see, just me and my thoughts. Hahs whatever nights

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HTNS IS

HTNS invitational shoot 2013. First external comp of the year, first medal for NP. Thou i cnt say im glad at all. In fact, im damn disappointed in myself with my results. Normally, i would come up with excuses to fool myself and others but not this time. Everything that happened is bec of me, i was the one who pulled the trigger, i shot that shitty score. Only thing to do is learn from mistakes, improve on good points and do better next time ^^

[ Thou the excuse is quite legit, i still blame myself. I changed my entire shooting stance 1mth ago only. Enough said ]

Felt horrible with my results even thou our team won. Ed, 561, Sh, 573, me, freaking 548. First series screwed up the most.. 86, 93, 90, 95, 91, 93. Need up be more consistent next time as well as pull up my avg! No more <90. Min for myself now is 91! I can and i will do this!

Well for the entire day.. hmm lets run through from the top. Woke at 6 freaking 30am to go eat. Dont know why me and SH had the same thinking that the detail starts at 750 when its actually 850.. hmm honest but lucky mistake. More time to prepare. Waiting for second detail to shoot finish before going to west mall! Had pastamania for lunch and swensens double scoop Sticky Chewy and Cookie Cream ! Pok liao siaaa. Poorduck94;( went back, slacked and emo-ed at one corner cause i was seriously just too tired... no energy at all

Homed, took off shirt, lied on bed and immediately KO. Woken by mom cause heading ouy for early family reunion dinner. The food at the restaurant we usually go to like getting worse by the years ah.. need to change restaurant soon :/ homed again and did no shit cause too tired. Gonna sleep now. Quite late already considering the fact i woke so early. Tml going range again to support ahma! Sun bian support SH and ED for their finals. Oh well sad...

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slump

Fml. Past few days were crappy to the core. Just ytd, had a horrible time at tennis. Was playing so badly and frustrated to the point of almost smashing my racket. And today, just a normal shoot and i did so badly. I completely lost my feel and in a fucking bad slump. Nothing i do goes well or ends well. Just hope i pick myself up before sat HTNS invitational shoot... jeez idw go back to that loser state. Whr i just suck at everything! Well at least now is somehow better but not to my expectation. Wheres my motivation? Wheres the feel i used to get just my gripping my racket handle or my rifle grip?! No feel, no game man... thats my problem :/

Ahh fuck my life ~ left 1 report with that group w crap member. Member without the 's' . That one particular person is so fucking useless, giving shit contributions and basically not doing anything helpful == arghhhh wtf man!!!! Just wanna sleep le la. Gonna spam shooting for now just to force the feel back into me. Everything just sucks now.. like seriously :(

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Square one

You! You reading this! If you know me personally... How on earth did you find my blog omgg >< so dangerous laaa ~ oh well what read cnt be unread. Let bygones be bygones!

Apparantly, i made the wrong freaking choice to go cut my hair. Esp to this length :( too short le laaa and weird too!! Headache on how to style it to make it seem better >< geez long hair, ppl complain. Short hair, ppl also complain! Aiya do this for the sake of my angbao money la. Old people prefer shorthair! Hope this CNY isnt too affected by the recession and bad economies.. thou its affecting my exam la! This exam has got to be the worst timing EVER! It starts right after CNY, so i have to study while bai nian-ing. Next it starts on feb 14, valentine day. Wonderfullll ~ no valentines but still?! Pick a better day la omg. Its like a data with my papers. Geez :/

Everything seems to be going back to square one. All efforts wasted and any progress reversed. Shooting : starting from scratch again cause change stance and style. Tennis : lost my serve need to gain back. Feels : guess i was wrong again. Meh. Meant to be foreveralone i guess. Just live in the happiness of people around me :)

Was too bored till the point of taking out my parent's alcohol and cleaning it for them >< so much dust and some even have idk what mould or stuff :/ errrr..... anws. Need save up money to buy my own bottles soon :( finished all the shared bottles of wine and baileys :( damn it laaa why my parents drink so much and fast!!!! Leave me with nothing >:( need save up for a long time siaaa. Got till march before i fly to china ^^ hopefullu got enough by then and spam buy at DFS!! Muhaahaha

Shall sleep liao ba :/ mind is so messed up nowadays. Fake a front. Hide the truth.

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neutral

Well, sch was pretty stressful and nerve wrecking for the past few days. HRM project confirm screwed up one FMGT as well thanks to SOME people == gosh i really hate them. Such a good for nothing bitch.. Did one-to-one presentation for the first time i was so darn scared! Felt my hands trembling and kept stumbling la omg... Common Test round 2 didnt make the week any better. CMA and ECD. Did what i could thou i wasnt fully prepared :/ meh. Just let me pass thanks!

Well what i can say is that i feel more.. neutral(?) On the inside. Yes im still caught up with feelings here and there, but it seems more proportionate. Didnt say its good but isnt as bad as before i guess :/ Learning to not get my hopes too high up, to not misunderstand the situation and to not see things too complicated ~ But some things are hard and almost impossible to change . No choice :(

I feel as thou im leading a aimless motivation-less life. Living for the sake of living only >< Nothing excites me to the point of making me feel like a 9yr old receiving a toy. Feelings and emotions left me ~ boooo !!! So empty now. So boring! Everyday just tennis, sch, show thats all. Mainly talking to tiger only but must keep my distance too. Not to overthink and confuse myself. Not to repeat my mistakes.

Gahh scumbag body and brain dont wanna let me sleep!! 2.15am liao lehh !! Rolling on bed for almost 2hr liao la :( gahhhhhh

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2013 start!

Otw back from malaysia with extended family already ~ had not much communication with the outside world for 2 days! Had a good time to rest and relax with BBQ, beer, singing, eating, playing and just chilling! I really enjoyed myself for the first 5 days of 2013. Idk whats going on with me, but is fate giving me another chance? Another reason to believe? Hehs.

Countdown, first day, 2nd day, 3rd day, 4th day. All going out with the same person! This is a new record man! Whenever im with you, i just feel so at peace. Like all my problems just disappeared and my world faded to just the two of us tgt. Time spent with you is always so awesome. It makes me wanna spend the rest of my time with you and im more than satisfied.

But as usual, the coward me hasnt said anything althou we have done lots of   things tgt already. Idw us to just fall apart cause of my stupid and selfish actions.