slump

Fml. Past few days were crappy to the core. Just ytd, had a horrible time at tennis. Was playing so badly and frustrated to the point of almost smashing my racket. And today, just a normal shoot and i did so badly. I completely lost my feel and in a fucking bad slump. Nothing i do goes well or ends well. Just hope i pick myself up before sat HTNS invitational shoot... jeez idw go back to that loser state. Whr i just suck at everything! Well at least now is somehow better but not to my expectation. Wheres my motivation? Wheres the feel i used to get just my gripping my racket handle or my rifle grip?! No feel, no game man... thats my problem :/

Ahh fuck my life ~ left 1 report with that group w crap member. Member without the 's' . That one particular person is so fucking useless, giving shit contributions and basically not doing anything helpful == arghhhh wtf man!!!! Just wanna sleep le la. Gonna spam shooting for now just to force the feel back into me. Everything just sucks now.. like seriously :(

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Square one

You! You reading this! If you know me personally... How on earth did you find my blog omgg >< so dangerous laaa ~ oh well what read cnt be unread. Let bygones be bygones!

Apparantly, i made the wrong freaking choice to go cut my hair. Esp to this length :( too short le laaa and weird too!! Headache on how to style it to make it seem better >< geez long hair, ppl complain. Short hair, ppl also complain! Aiya do this for the sake of my angbao money la. Old people prefer shorthair! Hope this CNY isnt too affected by the recession and bad economies.. thou its affecting my exam la! This exam has got to be the worst timing EVER! It starts right after CNY, so i have to study while bai nian-ing. Next it starts on feb 14, valentine day. Wonderfullll ~ no valentines but still?! Pick a better day la omg. Its like a data with my papers. Geez :/

Everything seems to be going back to square one. All efforts wasted and any progress reversed. Shooting : starting from scratch again cause change stance and style. Tennis : lost my serve need to gain back. Feels : guess i was wrong again. Meh. Meant to be foreveralone i guess. Just live in the happiness of people around me :)

Was too bored till the point of taking out my parent's alcohol and cleaning it for them >< so much dust and some even have idk what mould or stuff :/ errrr..... anws. Need save up money to buy my own bottles soon :( finished all the shared bottles of wine and baileys :( damn it laaa why my parents drink so much and fast!!!! Leave me with nothing >:( need save up for a long time siaaa. Got till march before i fly to china ^^ hopefullu got enough by then and spam buy at DFS!! Muhaahaha

Shall sleep liao ba :/ mind is so messed up nowadays. Fake a front. Hide the truth.

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neutral

Well, sch was pretty stressful and nerve wrecking for the past few days. HRM project confirm screwed up one FMGT as well thanks to SOME people == gosh i really hate them. Such a good for nothing bitch.. Did one-to-one presentation for the first time i was so darn scared! Felt my hands trembling and kept stumbling la omg... Common Test round 2 didnt make the week any better. CMA and ECD. Did what i could thou i wasnt fully prepared :/ meh. Just let me pass thanks!

Well what i can say is that i feel more.. neutral(?) On the inside. Yes im still caught up with feelings here and there, but it seems more proportionate. Didnt say its good but isnt as bad as before i guess :/ Learning to not get my hopes too high up, to not misunderstand the situation and to not see things too complicated ~ But some things are hard and almost impossible to change . No choice :(

I feel as thou im leading a aimless motivation-less life. Living for the sake of living only >< Nothing excites me to the point of making me feel like a 9yr old receiving a toy. Feelings and emotions left me ~ boooo !!! So empty now. So boring! Everyday just tennis, sch, show thats all. Mainly talking to tiger only but must keep my distance too. Not to overthink and confuse myself. Not to repeat my mistakes.

Gahh scumbag body and brain dont wanna let me sleep!! 2.15am liao lehh !! Rolling on bed for almost 2hr liao la :( gahhhhhh

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2013 start!

Otw back from malaysia with extended family already ~ had not much communication with the outside world for 2 days! Had a good time to rest and relax with BBQ, beer, singing, eating, playing and just chilling! I really enjoyed myself for the first 5 days of 2013. Idk whats going on with me, but is fate giving me another chance? Another reason to believe? Hehs.

Countdown, first day, 2nd day, 3rd day, 4th day. All going out with the same person! This is a new record man! Whenever im with you, i just feel so at peace. Like all my problems just disappeared and my world faded to just the two of us tgt. Time spent with you is always so awesome. It makes me wanna spend the rest of my time with you and im more than satisfied.

But as usual, the coward me hasnt said anything althou we have done lots of   things tgt already. Idw us to just fall apart cause of my stupid and selfish actions.