S.S.D.D.

It's getting boring recently. Especially with my current work type and schedule. Same Shit Different Day. And that repeats every other 2 days. Though this way, my remaining NS liability is cut by half, it's just damn boring cause of the nature of our work : security... On usual days nothing happens which is a good thing security wise, but it's freaking boring. When shit happens, it really drops like a bomb.

Bonding well with my guys, been noticing a improvement in general. Must thank my upper study for fucking up and giving me a tough time trying to bring this team tgt. Sometimes, the difference a leader and a follower is just about their way of thinking. Leader teaches, forgives, sacrifices for his guys. A follower just do as told, running on auto pilot and usually has a selfish mindset. That's what I hate the most now.. Having a selfish mindset,  caring only about yourself at the expense of others. Seriously fucked up lorh.

Off duty days are so boring when I don't go out :/ nua whole day, just play games or watch show while snacking. Want to go out enjoy but dont know who to go out with and running low on money for this mth thanks to that new savings policy I just bought. On another hand, the policy my dad got for me expired and just handed over 50k to my name :D WOOHOO. But honestly, I'm just like meh... 50k? Orh okay lorh. Don't touch it for now. Geez think I reincarnated wrongly uh. Past life too rich but now born in a middle classed life. Oh well can't complain that much cause it's a comfortable life. Occasionally luxurious but constantly comfortable.

How I wish I can go out with you more frequently instead of having this stupidly long cool down period wts. 3mths is honestly way too long considering the amt I miss you. 

P.s. OMG MY HAIR. WAY TOO UNACCEPTABLE FOR A NSF

Hazy

Honestly, I find my life similar to Singapore's weather now : hazy. Unclear, erratic and occasionally a pain to deal with. Feels as though I've lost my purpose in living. No motivation, no goals. Just living day by day, killing whatever time is available. I feel... Empty... Like a hollow shell, a puppet if you must say.

With that said, I'm losing my joy again. Yes I may seem happy all the time, enjoying my "carefree" 少爷 life, but it's all just a facade. Temper is becoming bad, patience is at a all time low. Worst of all, the negative mood swings are more frequent recently. I have no idea what is going on with me. It suck and I want it to change but I have no idea how! Just turn back to my sec sch style of being emotionless? I want to but I don't wanna make my friends worry for me. This is life being fair to me right. Balancing perks and downfalls.. Having to live a comfortable one but with the lack of stable emotions.

You know what's the best way to kill a person mentally? Giving him hope when he actually has none at all. And when reality hits him with full force in the face, it's just that hard to stand up again.

I wanted to say all these out but couldn't bring myself to. All I could was to try and enjoy whatever moment I could, look back at those happy memories in times of sadness. Even so, sometimes I would accidentally look too far back and remember those hurting memories that killed my heart. Forever.

Retail therapy didn't really work for me in the morning, but late dinner and desserts did make me forget those unhappy stuff for that moment when I was with panda. Thankful for those friends around me. Those that can lift my mood instantly when I'm with them.