IBSM trip as of now

7th day of IBSM trup to beijing/tianjing! Been enjoying myself for the past few days. Company visits were an eye opener as how often do you really get to visit such companies and factories?!Sightseeing was normal and most of the places i went before. Food was still okay though that picky and anti-vege side is still here. ;p Found out another thing about me sia... friend mentioned it to me : i have slight OCD. GEEZ I NEVER KNEW NOR REALIZED! Its kinda a bad thing right?? Though i myself am not very sure of it but i do realize i have certain habits when in my room. Not gonna say what is it cause i also dont know lollol! ;x

Free and easy in the evening and we always go out shopping and eating at nightmarkets etc. Another different experience one would never get when going overseas with a tour group : Getting from one place to another with no one to lead you, taking the public transport yourself and asking strangers for direction. How cool is that! Always boarding their MRTs during peak hours and we always get packed like sardines! arghh. So squeezy and hard to breathe! ;/ Those china people just heck care you and push and squeeze their way into the train one la. Fat people and squeeze until become skinny lorh wts. Kinda overspent over the past few days ahh.. dont know what the heck i doing also... 1 t-shirt and 1 button up shirt from Jack Jones for 600rmb, 120sgd. Then 3 t-shirt and 1 jeans from Hollister at 1250rmb, 250sgd... damn scared of what my parents would say when i get back sia!!! anwww still very happy with my buys esp those from hollister! ^^

IDK why this trip i get the worst scandal sia! Think almost EVERYONE keep saying me and this tall girl together. Walaoooo seriouslyyy just because of height and other stuff >< i know she quite pretty too lahhh and i hang out with she and her other pretty friend quite often too ;p HAHAHA This is confusing me lahh idk what to do now ~ aish... i hope its not what im thinking but still.... idk la not very safe to talk here too. Goshhhh why is this so hard and complicated!!!! Sigh just gonna sleep soon i guess ~ everyday sleep less than 6 hours. Seriously lack of sleep and can die sia!
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I miss the warmth, the care and the joy. I seek what i can see and live in constant fear of making the wrong decision. The past shapes a person the way he is now, and im a emotionally and relationship messed up person. idk how should or could i deal with this. I dont want to bring harm or unhappiness to anyone :( damn this is so hard. Am i to live like this forever? When would the time be right ~