When your world comes crashing down.

Aish.. my poor blog is the best place for me to vent everything inside as even twitter is too public for me to say everything out. It feels as thou my whole world is falling apart and i am on the verge of breaking down. Never have i felt so hopeless, so pathetic. Nothing seems to help nor work. its like im back to my secondary school self of locking everything up inside and just giving a cheerful and happy face in front of anyone. That might still be the case now but the more i open up whatever was stored inside, the more horrible i feel. Weak, more prone to hurt and pain, sadness. Everything just engulfs me so easily.... slowly sealing everything back in now. slowly becoming more of an introvert. damn this is bad but what else can i do? The person i trust most and love most is slowly fading away from me. shadows surround everything else i once sought joy in! From having her right by my side at all times, to just looking at her back from a distance and now, losing sight of her real quick... i dont like the way things will go in the future if this keeps up... i dont wanna end up like complete strangers. This really sucks. All i need is just 1 person, to be there whenever i need it, to rely on and to be able to trust completely. Other than that i dont need anyone else at all ;/ but sighhh such person might never exist in the first place.

quite true la hor... talking to this djj. say me not guy one. Well in a way maybe ba? feelings wise more feminine? tsk... emotional and occasional moodswings, definitely got it :( its hard when i wanna reach out to others but they are so hard to trust and temporary in a sense.... and thru out im slowly locking myself in. gosh!!! Life, Studies, Relationship ( love/family ) , and even Finance! all just aint working well for me at all. Im srure mutu gonna hate me for what im thinking of right now but at times like this, such thoughts come so easily and is like the shortest way out of everything. Whats stopping me is just fear, and disappointment to everyone else >< i dont know how to get rid of this feeling... all i know is i wanna drink myself silly. fuck i dont even have sufficient alcohol for me to do that. damn! ;(

wasted day

Boring day is instead boring. Moring went for training. Shot for 1 hr only cause no point shooting so long.. just need get used to the feeling of pistol~ kinda miss my rifle too thou :/ waaa but today got chio bu siaaaaa :o seperated by 1 lane only~ goshhh she is like the high class pretty type. Plus her riflw damn good sia!! But oh well~ see jiu hao. No more r/s for me! Must have self control and kill off feelings in heart....

Wasted the rest of my time away... took a nap too~ somehow djj came into my dream and was kinda weird! Hmmm. Bla bla bla. Was asked about some shooting stuff..... some bloody asshole used np name and dragged shooting club along sia! Not even in the club >< found the name after exercising skills learnt from stalking ^^ hahaaha that bastard is gonna dieeee and burnnnnn!!! Thou i gotta give him credit for his skills :/

Got new songs from mutu and its time to sleep! Tml got course on shooting..6 freaking hours! Somemore we are learning what we already know long ago. But no choice since i wanna shoot under outside club instead of np now... more chance of competition and my goal for nyt!!! Starting from scratch thou... pistolll~

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